The Dating Life by Julia Allison: More columns

Julia Allison's blog

Dating Life

Help your friends help you

I love matchmakers. I love the idea of it ­ setting people up and watching them fall in love. I love the people who do it ­-- the clucking yentas and the sleek Alicia Silverstone types and all of the amateurs in between. I've even tried it; I'm 0 for 37. Yes, I suck.

Dating Life

Skip the hating on Valentine's Day

Last week I received an e-mail from a reader named Maria, who wrote that Valentine's Day made her "want to vomit." She and most of her friends were single, she explained, and they found it "gross how people try to have a booty call or boyfriend" just in time for this particular holiday.

Dating Life

Going for the best Valentine's Day EVER

No holiday so polarizes the American public quite like Valentine's Day.

Dating Life

Dropping pounds along with an ex

The truth is, I haven't been to the gym in over six months; my membership got cancelled in August, along with The (Ex) Boyfriend. And yet the number on the scale today is finally ­-- FINALLY ­-- the same as it was when I first moved to New York a little over two years ago. What happened?

Dating Life

Chatting up Playboy's sexpert

Since 1960, Playboy's Advisor column has promised to answer "all reasonable questions from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette." However, this is Playboy, and despite the magazine's dogged insistence that "a person interested only in sex isn't very interesting," most of their readers are very interested in sex indeed.

Dating Life

Wild or chaste in 2007?

Last year at this time, I recommended that my readers overhaul their "dating modus operandi" -- put an end to the same-old, same-old romantic blahs and try something completely unprecedented.

Dating Life

Not-so-romantic holiday gifts

One Christmas, almost a decade ago, my then-18-year-old-boyfriend surprised me with a large, unwieldy package.

Dating Life

Single and blue for the holidays

This being my first holiday season spent single in several years, a thought occurred to me as I listened to Christmas music sans significant other last weekend. The thought was: "This sucks."

Dating Life

Don't wanna date me? Now I'm hooked

A few weeks ago, a guy who had once eagerly asked me out sent me an e-mail with a shockingly straightforward missive: "I'm just not that into you."

Dating Life

Spilling the secret to meeting guys

You know that one friend who whines constantly about her love life, repeatedly asks for your advice, and then invariably refuses to take it?

Dating Life

Gentlemen prefer brains?

"Being a maid would have enhanced my chances with men. Guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to."

Dating Life

Matchmaking moms: Cute or pathetic?

My mom is not the 'matchmaker type.'

Dating Life

Waking up to the wide world of sports

To say I'm not a sports fan is a bit of an understatement. Besides consistently (and predictably) being picked last in gym class, I managed to live in Chicago during the Bulls 'peat-a-thon and never attend a game, and I didn't know who Terrell Owens was until last week. (Does that mean it's football season?)

Dating Life

First date follies

The funny thing about being single again is that all my eagerness to go on first dates has been rapidly replaced by the realization that these events are only valuable insomuch as they provide me with a ridiculous story to tell.

Dating Life

Party of one

If you're one of the 95 million Americans who stubbornly refuse to join in wedded bliss, the commemorative holiday you've been feverishly anticipating is finally here.

Dating Life

What men want (women to wear)

Last week, in preparation for the upcoming change in seasons, I lugged 20 pounds of women's magazines home with me for a Fall Fashion read-in.

Dating Life

Refurbishing my life

Last week, I told an old friend of mine about my recent break up with The (Ex) Boyfriend. "Where are you living now?" he asked. "Um … same place, with the ex," I sheepishly answered. "WHAT?" he sputtered.

Dating Life

Don't hate me because I'm single

I don't know what kind of response I expected to last week's column on breaking up with The Boyfriend ("Not Yet Ready for Mr. Right"), but it certainly wasn't "your [sic] a dumb ho."

Dating Life

Newly single and looking for me

"It's not you, it's me," almost always means "It's DEFINITELY you." But when I broke up with The Boyfriend last week -- at a Jamba Juice, no less (I know, I know. A little tacky. Oops?) -- I really did mean "It's me."

Dating Life

Here's my sign, baby

I'm embarrassed to admit that the world's No. 1 cheesiest pick up line – "Hey Baby, what's your sign?" – would actually work on me right now … but only if you really wanted to discuss it.

Dating Life

Dating outside the tribe

The Boyfriend and I have spent much of our dating lives in inter-faith relationships -- him with a predilection for Catholics, me leaning towards Jews -- so it seemed very appropriate to take him to see "Jewtopia" for our anniversary last week.

Dating Life

Friends without benefits

A few weeks ago, a casting director e-mailed me about a new reality show -- "it's like 'Friends'," she said, "but real." (Wait -- "Friends" wasn't real?) Would I come audition with three of my closest girl friends and three of my closest guy friends?

Extreme divorce: Home Edition

There are bad divorces. And then there are really bad divorces.

Sex! Tips! from Cosmo

No one has ever accused Cosmopolitan of being subtle.

Trapped in a bad break-up

A journalist sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago, looking for couples who had split but continued to live together, a la "The Break-Up." I snorted and thought, 'Who would be so stupid?? Good luck trying to find people like that, sucker!'

Thirteen simple rules for dealing with my dad

My father is not big or tall. He does not own shotguns. And he has never threatened to murder any of my boyfriends with his bare hands.

Ex-dating columnist dishes on herself and NYC

The world of dating columnists is a small one, made smaller still by a continual exodus from the field, due to marriage (Amy Sohn), fame (Candace Bushnell) or the inevitable burnout (too many to name).

Can't get a date? Yes, you can

Despite my embarrassing devotion to self-improvement and a fondness for makeovers that rivals Tyra Banks, I've always disliked dating-reformation shows.

Getting hitched... and announcing it obnoxiously in the NYT

There are two types of women in this city: those who adore The New York Times weddings announcements and hope they'll be featured, and those who think such announcements are insufferable, archaic and pretentious … and hope they'll be featured.

Variations on monogamy

The dictates of love in this society are clear: you're either monogamous or you're alone.

Power is an aphrodisiac--with these exceptions

Power – and its uncanny ability to inflate (or deflate) one's sexual desirability – has been on my mind lately.

Full'er up: Dating advice from Bonnie

Bonnie Fuller believes in ultimatums. More than 23 years ago, she gave her now-husband a big one: "Either propose in six months or it's over."

Relationship biology: Hard-wired to frustrate?

Women constantly seek improvement ­ of themselves ("Extreme Makeover"), their surroundings ("Extreme Makeover ­ Home Edition"), and of course, their relationships (umm--Dr. Phil?).

Ultimate Playboy Hugh Hefner turns 80

Hugh Hefner was just 27 years old when he launched the first issue of Playboy, featuring the iconic Marilyn Monroe shot with "nothing on but the radio."

Snooping and telling

There are three kinds of snoopers in this digital age: strictly online, real world, and then there's "Jane."

Quick and dirty snooping online

I am an inveterate, brazen and unrepentant dating snooper.

How long do you rebound?

Both of my roommates recently broke up with their long-term boyfriends, so rebounding flawlessly is our subject du jour.

Taking a break from the same-old

A month ago today, men all over the city were racking their brains for creative ways to woo their women (or at least not totally make them angry) on February 14th. Even if they made it through Valentine's Day unscathed, they're not off the hook; ­after all, men are always expected to coordinate the romance. They do the asking out, they plan and pay for the date, and eventually, they buy the ring and propose.

When older men date younger women

There are very few things I don't approve of these days – I like gay marriage, birth control, Hillary Clinton and plastic surgery. But I cannot endorse mustaches (hipster or otherwise), VH1's "Celebreality," or older guys dating younger women.

Dating advice from the rich and famous

I am an avid reader of self-help books, and by "avid" I mean, "completely obsessed." My bookshelves would scare away anyone NOT holding a master's degree in psychology with a minor in personal-development, and even then, it's dicey.

A Valentine's Day for cheaters

Monday is Valentine's Day for cheaters. Or so a friend of mine, one with a long and storied history of infidelity, mentioned to me recently.

Valoween: A badly needed makeover for a boring old holiday

I have to admit -- my past two Valentine's Day columns, seeped in saccharine optimism, weren't exactly crowd favorites.

More on V-day: Lots of clichés

Valentine's Day is so fraught with clichés that there's nothing remotely original left to say about it. You can't say you love it. Been done, obviously. You can't say you hate it. Definitely been done, with vitriol by people even more bitter than you.

Why you should love Valentine's Day

I received an email last week which grouched: "The dirty little secret about Valentine's Day is ... EVERYBODY HATES IT."

Sucked into 'The Bachelor'

I have to admit, I've never watched The Bachelor before last week. The hormone-charged, fake-mansion-housed catfight for love never held my attention.

Picking up more than groceries

The hottest new pick up joint isn't a single monikered bar or a club, like Marquee or Stereo. It's a little grocery store called Whole Foods.

New Year's dating resolutions

I'm a New Years Resolutions kind of girl. I love making them and the bigger, the better. From dieting ("no food. Ever.") and exercise ("twice a day for three hours each!") to drinking ("limit alcohol intake to one color at a time") and debt ("never buy anything again").

The worst holiday gifts for your girl

Women can find fault with pretty much any gift a man tries to give her – even if it's wrapped in Tiffany's robin's egg blue ("I wanted PLATINUM, not GOLD!").

Holiday gifts he'll love to hate

Traditional holiday gifts for men have started to bore me. How many times can a guy feign excitement over a tie, a sweater, a pair of boxers (not his size) or an enormous framed photo? He's sick of it and hoping you'll buy him Xbox 360, even though he's 47 and complains about finger arthritis.

Finding a winner on Craig's List

There was a time, not so long ago, when I scoffed at the prospect of dating on Craig's List. Of course, that was before a roguish reader of this column posted a personal ad for me in the "Women Seeking Men" section of CL last week.

First date tips for ladies

Before I say anything else, I should admit that despite writing and pontificating on the subject of dating for many years, I have committed egregious first date faux pas more times than I care to admit.

First date tips for guys

Every first date I've ever gone on, I've analyzed with a thoroughness that would make Freud proud. Was he on time? Did he graciously pay the check? Were there any significant mother issues we'd need to resolve in couples therapy down the line?

Letting it all hang out on Halloween

Halloween being my favorite holiday, I've been mulling over The Costume for weeks now. So many microscopic outfits, so little time!

Looking for a bad boyfriend on Craig's List

It's the single girl's lament – all the good guys are "already taken" – and, unless you want to pull an Angelina Jolie and steal one of them (not my recommendation, too messy, you won't get any good press for it) – you'd better start to like being single.

When she's hot but he's not

Every time I watch King of Queens, I'm confused. The husband, an overweight UPS delivery guy, is married to a certifiably hot brunette with a tight body, whom he regularly asks to strip (is this normal married couple behavior? I would ask my parents, but that's disgusting).

Dealing with your honey's family

I'm not sure what it says about me, but I've been having problems with the relatives of guys I date since I was 16 years old.