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Full'er up: Dating advice from Bonnie

BY JULIA ALLISON | Special to amNewYork

April 24, 2006

Bonnie Fuller. (Photo by Matthew Jordan Smith / April 23, 2006)

Bonnie Fuller believes in ultimatums. More than 23 years ago, she gave her now-husband a big one: "Either propose in six months or it's over."

That was their third date.

Bonnie Fuller does not mess around.

The woman who's run four of the biggest women's magazines in the country (YM, Marie Claire, Cosmo and Glamour), along with two of the nation's guiltiest pleasures (Us Weekly and Star), has an instinctive aptitude some say genius for knowing what women want.

And according to Fuller, what women want (besides invasive candids of stars being "just like us", except richer and more beautiful) is basically, well, everything.

Fuller stands ready to bring back the '80s mantra of "you can have it all," in her new book, interminably titled deep breath "The Joys of Much Too Much! Go for the Big Life--the Great Career, the Perfect Guy and Everything Else You've Ever Wanted (Even if You're Afraid You Don't Have What It Takes)."

A 33-word mouthful of a title somehow seems appropriate when the subject is cramming as much stuff as possible into your life.

Still, however much Fuller eschews simplicity, the wisdom contained within the classic chick-lit fuchsia book jacket tends to be pragmatic and uncomplicated.

Fuller's perspective, informed by her Canadian upbringing as an "ugly duckling" far from Manhattan's media elite, fueled her infamous ambition and counter-intuitively led to her success, she believes. "I could relate to normal girls and women because I was normal."

To be sure, Fuller's advice, and her magazines, have always been tailored for the "normal" girl, the anti-Anna Wintour the "frazzled woman whose hem is held up with a safety pin or tape," whose body isn't effortlessly thin, tanned, and toned, with a gorgeous, rich, thoughtful husband and blonde baby Einsteins who never cry.

Her counsel on dating, despite not having been single since she was 26, is particularly accurate, if prone to truisms. A few gems:

- No More Crazy Checklists for "Mr. Perfect." "I know so many women who want a guy with it all -- a ton of money, a more prestigious job, a certain number of years older, as well as gorgeous and socially acceptable, of course. Such out of control expectations unnecessarily limits your options. Stay open to the widest range of people and experiences possible in your life!"

- If you don't find Mr. Right immediately, "don't get discouraged or bitter, get busy." "The more you accomplish in life, the better you'll feel about yourself, and once you like yourself, you'll be more likely to find the love of your life."

- Forget about Love at First Sight. "I've heard so many women say 'it wasn't like love at first sight' but you don't need to instantly fall in love with someone. When I first met my husband, I wasn't impressed at all we just gave each other a limp handshake. A lot of times it takes time!" Don't judge on first impressions.

- No more saying, "When I Then I'll," as in "when I find a husband, then I'll buy a house." "Don't deny what you want to do just because you haven't found Mr. Right. Because as you're waiting for life, life is going by. Your 'real life' is now!"

- If he's not the right guy, MOVE ON. "Don't waste years of your precious life with the wrong man why would you bother? There are other fish in the sea. You can fall in love more than once. Look at Jen Aniston!"

"Except," she adds, "I'm a little worried about her checklist. She's got to have a pretty enormous checklist."

Jen's checklist aside, Fuller's message is that you don't have to be perfect or paired with Mr. Perfect to be happy. "We always think there's some other woman out there who has it all who sails through life in a white suit (and nothing ever drops on it), who has an organized sock drawer. I mean, who's like that?"

Um well, actually, I do have an extremely organized sock drawer.

Julia thinks Jen's checklist would be suprisingly short. As in: "#1: Don't leave me for an A-list actress/humanitarian/bi-sexual/baby-adopting bombshell. #2: See no. 1." Email Julia@JuliaAllison.com.