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Can't get a date? Yes, you can

BY JULIA ALLISON | Special to amNewYork

May 22, 2006

Can't Get a Date VH1 show. (Photo by Handout / May 21, 2006)

Despite my embarrassing devotion to self-improvement and a fondness for makeovers that rivals Tyra Banks, I've always disliked dating-reformation shows.

The hosts tend to be irritating, obsequious and bland, while the so-called "relationship experts" seem more interested in looking good on camera, spewing one-size-fits-all clichés and touting their newest book (in bookstores now!).

In the end, the lost soul who moronically agreed to let television producers follow his or her abysmal dating life gets nothing more than a new haircut and some lame suggestions.

Fantastic.

Um... no.

VH1's new reality series, "Can't Get A Date," keeps the idea of transformation but chucks the annoying characters.

The host, kept anonymous during the show, is heard but not seen. Like the Voice of God, he guides the lovelorn subject exclusively from behind the camera. The ensuing dialogue is less Simon Cowell--pointlessly mean and utterly unhelpful--and more what your friends would say if they thought you could handle "the truth."

That truth--along with an obligatory dose of hope--is what "Can't Get A Date" is all about.

In fact, the host begins the show by explaining that "the truth can be harsh, but dating doesn't have to be."

He then answers his own question, "Can't get a date?" with a firm "Yes, you can." Like good makeover-cum-personal-growth TV, it's all so comforting. The show taps into both our obsession with flaws and our need to be reassured that flaws can be fixed. Sure, you may be a train wreck, but if you let a reality tv show voice tell you how to clean up your act, you can find love, too!

Although the idea of helping "real people, with real trouble, needing real advice" (the self-described purpose of "Can't Get A Date") isn't exactly an original one, the host's blunt critiques make it refreshing.

That host, a former camera technician named Stefan Springman, also created and produced the show, his first. With an uncommonly melodious and authoritative voice, he counsels like a professional, but insists that he's not a dating 'expert' per se.

"I don't believe there's such a thing," he told me. "I just try to tell it like it is."

In one episode, he introduces Jim, a hapless poet who has remained dateless since moving to New York a year ago.

While poets are admittedly not No. 1 on the list of Most-Desired-Professions-for-a-Boyfriend, Springman insists that "im's real problems have nothing to do with poetry." With that, he matter-of-factly details a laundry list of said "real problems":

1. short
2. broke
3. bald
4. fat
5. lacks ambition