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When she's hot but he's not

BY JULIA ALLISON | Special to amNewYork

October 17, 2005

Every time I watch King of Queens, I'm confused. The husband, an overweight UPS delivery guy, is married to a certifiably hot brunette with a tight body, whom he regularly asks to strip (is this normal married couple behavior? I would ask my parents, but that's disgusting).

At first, I dismissed it, like the beer commercials featuring balding, pot-bellied men cavorting with Tara Reid look-alikes. They're just Disproportionately Attractive TV Couples they could never exist in the real world.

Or could they? I look around at New York, and everywhere I see gorgeous women with only moderately attractive or even downright unattractive men. Even celebrity culture has these couples: Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, Billy Joel and any of his wives, the Barkers on MTV (although he seems sweet), Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Tesse.

The only couple in which the guy is arguably more attractive than the woman was Jennifer and Brad or maybe Tom and Katie (that's debatable) and well, I think we can see that's not a pattern to emulate.

No, if anything, the real world is filled with Couples Who Don't Make Sense. Of course, polite people don't actually say anything about it, because that's rude. Physical appearance can be a sensitive subject on a good day But we're thinking it. And no, it's not shallow it's biology!

We know that the majority of people don't date their significant other (just) because of what they look like. Realistically, however, that's the first thing we notice about a couple and those who stand out we wonder at. Henry Kissinger and his wife. Shannon Elizabeth and her (now ex) husband (check out photos if you don't believe me). Bill O'Reilly and anyone.

But maybe it's a progressive sign when couples don't "match"? They could be looking beyond superficial appearances! Well, they might be, except in 99.9% of these couples the woman looks better. How progressive can that possibly be? For every Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, there are a hundred Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martins!

Do women even care about having man arm-candy? Most would say it's a plus, for sure. But there's a lot of competition, and not enough metrosexuals to go around. We prefer to look for a great personality, charm, a certain worldliness and let's not forget (we're in New York, after all), a prosperous career.

So maybe we women are just shallow in a different way

Still, it seems like men attractive or not have it easy in the dating department. Or maybe not, says an ex-boyfriend of mine. "The downside of [disproportionately attractive girlfriends] is that you're constantly trying to convince her to stay with you while battling with your inadequacy in the looks department over which you have no control. No matter how great the relationship is, in the back of your mind you're always wondering."

That's the funny thing about relationships in the back of our minds, we're always wondering about something, no matter what. Maybe even the guy on King of Queens.

Well, maybe not him. But everyone else.