Gentlemen prefer brains?

By Julia Allison | Special to amNewYork

October 23, 2006

"Being a maid would have enhanced my chances with men. Guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to."
--Maureen Dowd, 'Are Men Necessary?' (2005)

"The rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child."
-- Sylvia Ann Hewlett, 'Creating a Life' (2002)

"Whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career."
--Michael Noer, Forbes magazine (2006)

Maureen? Sylvia? You're wrong. Michael? You're an idiot.

So says Christine Whelan, PhD, author of the new book 'Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women,' which takes to task the myth surrounding high-achieving women and marriage: namely, that being personally and professionally satisfied is, statistically speaking, mutually exclusive.

It's not, claims Whelan. She wants all of the career-oriented women out there--whom she's dubbed 'SWANS' (Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse)--to know two things:

1) You WILL get married. Just later.
2) Men do NOT want to marry the maid.

With degrees from Princeton and Oxford and a wedding in the works, Whelan knows whereof she speaks. And with U.S. census data and a nationally representative Harris study specially commissioned for the book, she has the data to back it up.

Forget Newsweek's infamous claim that single women over 40 are "more likely to get killed by a terrorist" than hitched. Printed in 1986 and repeated ad nausea for the last 20 years, the magazine retracted it in June of this year.

Like Whelan, they found that the statistics were flawed. The study had incorrectly predicted the matrimonial patterns of future generations based upon the past behaviors of previous generations. In other words, what was true for our mothers is no longer true for us.

"In 1970, only 6 percent of American women between the ages of 30 and 34 had never married," writes Whelan, citing U.S. Census data. "Now it's 24 percent."

Why? Two influences dramatically shifted the culture and timing of modern marriage: the exponential rise in women's educational achievement, and the proliferation of working mothers.

Thirty-five years ago, only 68 women had a college degree for every 100 men.

In 2005, that number had skyrocketed, to 133 women for every 100 men. The number of females obtaining graduate degrees had risen dramatically, as well. The result?

While women focus on their schooling, they tend to put off finding a husband. Thus, the average age of first marriage for women with a graduate degree is almost 5 years later than the national norm (25 years).

The second influence on today's marriages is the proliferation of working mothers in the last three decades. According to Whelan's study, 72% of high-achieving men grew up with a mom who worked outside of the house.