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IMBIBER: all about whiskey

By Dan Dunn

3:46 PM EDT, May 27, 2008

Over the holiday weekend a friend dragged me to one of those trendy nightclubs where pastel-colored cocktails cost a small fortune and everyone on the staff looks like they were plucked from the cast of "The Hills." It's the sort of place where one might order bourbon and be served Jack Daniel's instead. In fact, that's exactly what happened to the Imbiber and, frankly, I was nearly as disappointed as I was when Heidi and Spencer broke up for the sixth time.

I mean, really, shouldn't the Pretty People have to pass some sort of quiz before they let them behind the bar? As a service to those of you who don't understand why Jack-for-bourbon is a major bartender-ial faux pas, presenting an easy-to-use guide to the most popular types of whiskies

Single Malt Scotch
Where it's from: Scotland

How it's made: By bearded men in kilts who magically turn malted barley and water into liquid gold.
What it tastes like: Remember when Mel Gibson screamed "Freeeeeeeedom!" in "Braveheart"? Scotch tastes like that; Scots spell whisky without the "e," which has been known to cause "e-ness envy" in other hootch-producing countries.
Recommended brands: Glenmorangie, Glenkinchie, Glenlivet anything with Glen in it, really.
Signature cocktail: The Rob Roy

Canadian Whisky
Where it's from: The Land of Loverboy and universal health care.
How it's made: With a blend of grain-based whiskies that, by law, must spend at least three years in the barrel.
What it tastes like: It's lighter and smoother than most other styles of whisky.
Recommended brands: Crown Royal, Canadian Club
Signature cocktail: Canadian Caesar

Bourbon
Where it's from: Kentucky, mostly. Ninety-five percent of the world's bourbon supply is produced within a 70-mile radius near Bardsville.
How it's made: With a fermented mash comprised of at least 51 percent corn; in order to be called "straight bourbon," the distillate must spend at least two years in new, charred, white oak barrels.
What it tastes like: Licorice dipped in molasses and aged in a soot-filled lemon.
Recommended brands: Jim Beam, Maker's Mark, Old Crow
Signature cocktail: Mint Julep