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Pirate Queen

Matt Windman | STAFF WRITER

Boublil and Schonberg's "The Pirate Queen " on Broadway Pictured (l-r): Stephanie J. Block, Jeff McCarthy, Marcus Chait. (Joan Marcus)

It's "Riverdance" meets "Les Miz" meets "Wicked"! That is how an overenthusiastic TV honcho might try to sell "The Pirate Queen," an oversized musical bio that is completely laughable in its attempts to be taken seriously. After all, its producers are responsible for "Riverdance," its writers are responsible for "Les Miserables," and its leading lady has played the Wicked Witch.

"Riverdance," however, focuses only on Irish high-kicks and makes no attempt at narrative. "Wicked," which also features a pair of high-powered female adversaries, easily allows middle school girls to identify with its protagonists. And though "Les Miz" and "Pirate Queen" are each wrapped around a detailed historical narrative, "Les Miz" has great songs and complex characters.

"Pirate Queen," for the most part, attempts to stage a splashy biography of 16th Century Irish sea captain Grace O'Malley, who is forced to confront her deadbeat husband and later Queen Elizabeth in order to save her tribe.

Alongside the clunky narrative and insipid songs, O'Malley's story is diluted into an awkward treatise on early feminism. The evening's entertainment, if any, comes from the interpolated Irish jig sequences, uninspired power ballads and repulsively oversexed barroom choreography.

Stephanie J. Block infuses the title role with charisma and confidence, but that alone does little to make "Pirate Queen" a less intolerable experience. Linda Balgord, as a high-pitched Queen Elizabeth, is more alarming than compelling. And Jeff McCarthy, who shined five years ago in "Urinetown," is merely lost amongst the mess.

Like "The Times They Are A-Changin," "Lestat" or "Lennon," "The Pirate Queen" should have been put out of its misery immediately following its out-of-town tryout. Even following numerous revisions to its script and score, it remains a misshaped mishmash of a super-sized 1980s English mega-musical, a genre that would be best forgotten.

The Pirate Queen Hilton Theatre, 213 West 42nd St, 212-307-4100, $51.25-111.25. Tues 8pm, Wed 2 & 8pm, Thurs-Fri 8pm, Sat 2 & 8pm, Sun 3pm. Open run.