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Make a list, check it twice

By Liz Esquirol | Special to amNewYork

September 20, 2006

Creating the guest list for your wedding can be almost as challenging as choosing the right mate. Who do you invite? Who do you cut?

"The guest list is probably the touchiest subject when it comes to planning a wedding," says Kelli Burgos, executive director of event planner The Blushing Bride.

Experts agree the most important things to consider are budget and venue.

"Are you thinking small and intimate, or big and distant?" says Sofia Crokos, owner and president of Sofia Crokos Events. "Once you know the venue, then figure out how many people you can afford to have."

So where do you start?

"Before discussing it with each other, a bride and groom should each make their own list of friends and family they feel they MUST have at the wedding -- without restrictions," says Dr. Dale Atkins, psychologist and co-author of "Wedding Sanity Savers."

Once you have the master list, break it down, creating an A list and B list. From there, trim the B list as much as possible.

"It is really important to invite only people whom you will be thrilled to see as you walk down the aisle," Atkins says.

Furthermore, Crokos cautions against inviting guests you can really "do without."

"Never make the mistake of sending invitations to people you really don't want to come because chances are they will."

Also, don't fall into reciprocity. Just because you were invited to cousin Sally's wedding doesn't mean you have to invite her. If necessary, planners agree, good groups to cut are co-workers, old friends you're no longer in touch with, dates for single friends and children (unless they're family).

Still, much of what determines the final list depends on who is footing the bill.

"Lists are often unbalanced," Atkins says. "Basically, it comes down to trying to be as fair as you can with the understanding that the host calls the shots."