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Learn to live together

By Korin Miller | The Washington Post

September 20, 2006

Whether you're trying to save money by moving in together before your big day, or are merging space after your wedding, learning to cohabitate can be tricky.

Before you book that U-Haul, make sure you address several pressing topics:

-Sharing Space: Marshall Miller, co-author of "Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple," says couples considering cohabitation should share space slowly -- a toothbrush here, some clothes there. "The slower, the better," he advises. And if you're thinking of moving in together, waiting a month -- or six -- won't hurt. In fact, more time will allow for important conversations like how finances will be handled. "Before you move in, you need to make sure you're on the same page," Miller says.

-Money: Once the dust settles from the move, the joint bills will start coming. Pooling financial assets can get messy, so prepare yourself.

Stacy Whitman, co-author of "Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned," suggests that couples have a communal checking account with just enough money for rent and groceries. Personal purchases should come from your own pot of cash. "One of the big sources of conflict in relationships is how you're spending your money," Whitman says. "With a separate account, you don't have to worry about that."

-Chores: Chores and the general maintenance of a shared living space are a huge argument-starter for couples, according to Miller. He recommends eyeballing your significant other's apartment before you move in together, taking stock of what you can and can't live with.

"One of you could believe that dirty dishes in the sink would ruin your whole day, and the other might think it's just part of the washing process," he says. "It's important that you come to an agreement on how you're going to do your life around the dishes."