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'Indiana Jones' creaks along

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By Mina Hochberg | amNewYork Movie Critic

7:03 PM EDT, May 19, 2008

" Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" has all the right ingredients for a blockbuster that's sure to please the masses.

There's a lot of action, and some of it's great fun, from a fist fight amid a sea of bulbous killer ants to a jeep chase through Amazon jungle. But as is the downfall of many blockbusters, "Crystal Skull" lacks a good spine of a story and, probably consequentially, most of the quips, jokes and banter that serve as inter-action cushion are simply dead on arrival.

Unlike "Iron Man," an action movie to which you can totally surrender, "Crystal Skull" can be a bit of a chore to enjoy.

Set during the Cold War, "Crystal Skull" pits Indiana Jones ( Harrison Ford) against the Russians, and his arch enemy is the helmet-headed Irina Spalko, played by Cate Blanchett with the aplomb of a natural villainess.

Indiana ventures down to South America to rescue an old archaeologist friend who was hunting for legendary crystal skulls before getting captured by the Russians. Indiana is accompanied by a younger, 21st-century version of himself named Mutt ( Shia LaBeouf), who rides a motorcycle and peppers Indy with the old-man jokes that you knew were inevitable.

Indiana's journey is filled with all the quicksand adventure and outlandish plots that have made this such a fun franchise: You've got your vintage forays into cobwebby caves, where Indiana encounters ancient relics and graves (the cast of crumbling skeletons probably outnumbers the living, breathing cast).

You've got your classic stick-up quandaries, where Indiana finds himself at the center of a circle of pointed guns. There's something ticklishly fun about the improbablity of Dr. Jones' adventures -- the ease with which he solves befuddling puzzles and ideograms, the introduction of extra-terrestrials, the inadvertent activation of a nuclear bomb (oops!).

So why, by the end of the movie, does it feel like something is dreadfully missing?

It's partly the painfully cheesy kiddie pandering, such as cutesy, anthropomorphized prairie dogs or a battalion of monkeys that joins up with Mutt to save the day. It's partly that Steven Spielberg piles on too many of the same tricks -- there are only so many puzzle-solving scenes one can handle before code-cracking gets really, really old.

It's partly, sadly, that this just isn't the Indiana we loved in the '80s. In his old age, Indiana has turned from a charming know-it-all into a fuddy-duddy pedant, and though the transformation is supposed to be comical, it's kind of a drag.

"Crystal Skull" has a lot to offer, especially when it comes to its visual spectacles. The crystal skulls are eerie and the ruined temples are impressively elaborate. But this is more of a stop-and-go excursion than it is a non-stop thrill ride.

And for nostalgia-seekers, apart from the theme song, this may not hold up to your memories of Indiana circa the 20th century. Or, conversely, it may make you wonder if your movie tastes in the eighties were a lot more forgiving.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (PG-13). Indiana Jones returns to battle a group of evil Russians hunting for a lost artifact with supposed psychic powers. Starring Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett and Karen Allen. 2:07 (violence and gruesome imagery). Opens Thursday at area theaters, with some screening it at midnight Wednesday.