'The Love Guru'

Rating:

BY RAFER GUZMÁN | rafer.guzman@newsday.com

June 20, 2008

More than anything else, the sheer goodwill of Mike Myers has made him one of the most successful comedians in the movies. It's what helped him turn a skit like "Wayne's World" into two hit movies, and a limited character like Austin Powers into three. Often, what makes a Myers joke so funny is that Myers thinks it's so funny.

Why, then, is "The Love Guru" not funny?

It's no thinner than his other comedies: Here he plays Guru Pitka, a second-tier spiritualist who's constantly outshone by the real-life Deepak Chopra. Hoping to generate some media buzz, Pitka becomes a mentor to Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco), a star player for the Toronto Maple Leafs whose wife has deserted him for rival player Jacques Grande ( Justin Timberlake). As Pitka tries to heal their marriage, he falls for the Leafs' beautiful owner ( Jessica Alba) and learns his own lessons about love.

The childlike innocence that made Austin Powers and Wayne Campbell so endearing is nowhere to be found in Pitka, a tittering weirdo with a puerile potty mouth. He's also a letch, ogling Alba over his fat prosthetic nose and calling her attention to his bodily functions. Myers hasn't played a character so unappealing since his depraved club-owner in "54."

"The Love Guru" scrapes bottom for laughs, resorting to pop-culture jokes (Lindsay, Britney), weak musical numbers ( Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" on sitar) and, most abysmally, the sight of two elephants doing it. Under the clunky direction of Marco Schnabel (formerly an aide on the "Austin Powers" movies), the worthy cast goes to waste. Ben Kingsley's sendup of his famous "Gandhi" role is ruined by pee-pee jokes. The biggest laughs actually come from Stephen Colbert, wilding out as a drug-fueled sportscaster.

Any self-help spoof that uses " Mariska Hargitay" as a traditional Eastern greeting can't be totally worthless. But in this rare misfire from Myers, that's about as funny as it gets.

(PG-13)

PLOT A self-help guru aims for fame by repairing the marriage of a pro hockey player.

CAST Mike Myers, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Alba, assorted cameos

LENGTH 1:27

PLAYING AT Area theaters

BOTTOM LINE Myers’ unappealing, potty-mouthed guru should have his own yoga position: The Flop.