More women realize they are happy to be single

BY PETER KING | pwking@aol.com

May 3, 2008

More women are singularly contented

Many older women are living their lives with a single-minded enthusiasm.

Of the nearly 60 million American women 45 and older, about half are unmarried, according to the Census Bureau. Some are divorced or widowed, but many are single by design. Despite significant cultural pressures to be married or find a partner, many are starting to realize they are content to be on their own.

"The society is telling you that you won't be happy unless you have a partner," says E. Kay Trimberger, an author and researcher who has written extensively on the subject of single women. "But for many people, that really is not true."

In her book "The New Single Woman," Trimberger, a professor emeritus of Women's and Gender Studies at Sonoma State University in California, interviewed nearly 30 single women between the ages of 30 and 60. She found that most of them were leading happy and fulfilled lives. In many cases, they had been building a strong foundation that was not based on someday finding a partner.

"These women were doing all the things that were setting themselves up for a satisfying life," Trimberger says. She says the older women seemed especially content. Some of the younger women were still wrestling with concerns about whether to have children.

For women who are thinking about remaining single, Trimberger advises they take certain steps:

Build a network of friends and extended family. This provides resources they can turn to in times of need. This is especially important for those recently divorced or widowed who are often thrust back into the single life.

Become economically independent. This means finding a job that provides both income and satisfaction.

Make your home your castle. A place to live provides a feeling of permanence and nurturing.

Connect with the next generation. For the many single women with kids or grandkids, this is easy. Those with no children often have nieces and nephews, or they can do volunteer work mentoring young people. Trimberger has always been single, but when she was in her 40s she adopted a child.

For those happily unmarried, there are several resources they can check out for support and encouragement. Trimberger's own Web site, kaytrimberger.com, provides links to her research and other sites. She especially recommends MySingleSpace.org, a Web site that "celebrates the possibilities in being single."

But most of all, if you are happy in your life, don't worry about the external pressures you will feel from the culture or from well-meaning friends trying to "fix you up."

"If you really think your life is pretty good, and you're really quite happy, then accept it," Trimberger says. "Don't feel like you have to be out there looking for someone."

North Fork vineyards toast Mother's Day

If you believe wine and chocolate go together like Mom and apple pie, you may want to spend Mother's Day on the North Fork this year.

Lieb Family Cellars is teaming with Bon Bon Chocolatier of Huntington to present a wine and chocolate "nuance pairing" next weekend at the Lieb winery in Mattituck.

Lieb is featuring five of its wines, which it will pair with five handmade gourmet chocolates. The cost is $15 per person for all five taste pairings.

The wine and chocolate pairings will be held next Saturday and Mother's Day May 11 from 1-4 p.m. Space is limited and reservations are required. For more information, call 631-734-1100 or go to

liebcellars.com.