It’s time to feed the birds again. You all asked for it, and so “Fifty Shades of Hogan” continues.
One of the first things people asked me when this column launched was, “Do you honestly think girls will want to go out with you after reading this?”
My answer was “yes, maybe even more so.” And that’s still my answer.
I’ve developed a bit of a reputation in recent weeks. I’m the “NYC Tinder Guy” – and that’s something I pride myself on. This volume of “Fifty Shades of Hogan” is a byproduct of my column.
About one month after I started writing this column, I got a text from a friend of mine. He said that one of his girlfriend’s best friends had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was looking for a rebound.
Let’s call this girl Ronda (in honor of UFC beauty Ronda Rousey). On that note, if you don’t find Ronda Rousey attractive, there’s something wrong with you. And any woman who can grapple like that has to be an absolute demon in the sack. Ronda, if you read this, please don’t break my arm – it was a compliment, I assure you.
Anyway, Ronda asked if my friend knew anybody good for a rebound hookup and, as an avid reader of my column, he said, “I know just the guy.”
There’s that old reputation popping up again. And who am I to disappoint?
Ronda and I swapped phone numbers and Instagram accounts (it’s BulkHogan8, if you'd like to follow me). I liked what I saw and apparently Ronda liked what she saw (no surprise there).
We went out on a group date the following weekend with my friend who helped with the early negotiations and his girlfriend.
When I was talking to my friend, I laid everything out before the date: “She knows exactly who I am and that this is a ‘no strings attached’ situation?”
I was assured that everything was understood.
We all had a few drinks at my place and then went to a local bar. I rarely do double dates, and never on a first date, but it ended up being a lot of fun.
The other couple decided to turn in for the night around 2 a.m., so I asked Ronda if she wanted to stay at my place and was very quickly met with the affirmative.
We made out a little (a lot) in the cab. When we got back to my place I started to ask if she wanted clothes to change into. I got to “Do you want somethi…” before I was pushed onto the bed and my clothes were flying off.
In my usual 90-minute weightlifting workout I get pretty tired, but that was nothing compared to how tired I was after Ronda and I took part in multiple "calisthenics" sessions from the hours of 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. Seriously, I don’t do a lot of cardio and I was winded when all was said and done.
I don’t think either one of us slept that much, but when we woke up the next morning I ran out and grabbed us bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches – and they say chivalry is dead.
I put Ronda in a cab after breakfast and said “Let’s do this again sometime.”
Rather than play the old “one and done” card that I love so much, I opted for another date with Ronda for several reasons:
1. She stayed true to her word about “no strings attached.”
2. She was very attractive.
3. She could carry a conversation.
4. The sex was quality.
That’s the type of girl that wins me over every time.
“Fifty Shades of Hogan” Volume 3 is already in the works. Keep your eyes peeled around Mother's Day weekend (hint, hint).
Head to amNY.com every Friday for Matthew's latest column. To inquire about NYC dating advice, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Your question may appear in a future column, but no names will be used.