So you’ve gotten a few matches on Tinder or the dating site of your choice and you want to message one of them, but you don’t know how to open. It’s a lot easier than you think.
I recently messaged a girl: “How do you feel about Taco Bell for a first date?” You think that’s a stupid line, right? You’d be wrong. It took me exactly seven days to close the deal from when I sent the first message.
Stupid opening lines are boring ones. As an example, the Taco Bell line I used is different from the same old “Hey, what’s up?” It made me stand out to the girl and showed I had a sense of humor – or that I liked fine cuisine – one of those.
The concept of being different is key with online dating regardless of whether you’re looking for something serious or not. What sets you apart from all of the other hopeful singles out there? Well, your first words are your most important.
For more serious online daters, look at the person you’re messaging’s profile for any kind of clues about what they might be into.
If someone’s profile reads “I love my Rottweiler more than anything” and that person has pictures with the aforementioned pooch, then start with something about dogs. It’s also a good idea for a first date: dog park.
If there’s nothing in the person’s profile, say something funny – and not “two Jews walk into a bar …” You have to get a gauge on a person before sending them anything that might be considered offensive.
If you’re incapable of being funny, don’t be afraid to message someone about their looks. That’s obviously what first caught your attention, so “Your eyes are incredible” isn’t a bad opener.
It never hurts to send someone a compliment. Just be careful what you’re complimenting – stay away from anything that a bathing suit covers unless you’re opening looking for a quick hookup.
Speaking of looking for quick hookups, the worst thing you can do is start off by sending a perverted message to someone – this is more for guys than for girls.
Nothing will turn her off quicker, doesn’t matter what she’s looking for on there. Even some of the most promiscuous of girls don’t like being “dirty talked” to on a dating app. It’s not going to work.
Personally, I try and start with something funny so the girl knows I’m not a potential sex offender.
I’ve had girls that I slept with on the first date tell me about some of the openers they’ve gotten on Tinder. “Wanna take a trip to Boner City?” isn’t going to work, guys.
Having said that, you can afford to be a little more risky if you’re looking for hookups because if she doesn’t like your message, it wasn’t going to be anything serious anyway. The Taco Bell line is a solid example. Most girls looking for a serious relationship aren’t going to respond with, “Oh yeah! Cheesy gordita crunches are my jam!” They’ll ignore me and think, “Wow, what a douchebag.”
The biggest piece of advice I can give those of you taking this Tinder thing seriously is be yourself. I’m just a guide here, I can’t get into your shoes and do it for you.
Don’t copy lines you saw somewhere online because you think the other person will like them. Be original and be natural. Good things will happen.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid of rejection. The main reason people don’t send messages is because they don’t want to be rejected. For every girl I’ve slept with on Tinder I’ve been turned down by five others. It happens to all of us.
Side note: If Taco Bell dates and one-night stands are your thing, please feel free to email at the address below.
Head to amNY.com every Friday for Matthew's latest column. To inquire about NYC dating advice, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Your question may appear in a future column, but no names will be used.