Ladies, are you sick and tired of uttering the phrase, "I just don't know why he didn't call me back?"
I'll bet I know the answer.
Most of you are probably guilty of behavior that, to a guy, is just awful on so many levels. And the sad part is that you probably didn't even know you were doing it.
Well, after this week's column, you have no more excuses.
While this advice is coming from me, it should be noted that the following turn-offs have also been named by more men around the world than any others, according to a study I made up for this column.
Too much contact
You know why some guys are single? Because they don't want to deal with the constant annoyance of having to cater to someone else at all hours of the day.
You know what's not going to help you land that next guy you like? Texting and calling him at all hours of the day.
Don't make him feel like he's headed toward Relationshipville (Google map it). You know what's going to happen. He'll pull the car over on the side of the highway, kick you out of the passenger seat and pull a U-turn back to Singlefunland (Google map this as well).
Desperation isn't a good color on anyone, and that's exactly how too much contact comes across: Desperate.
Side note: If you actually put those two locations into Google maps, you're an idiot.
Not enough action
If you haven't gotten physical by the third date, you're probably not going to make it much longer with the man of your dreams.
When I talk about "getting physical," I don't mean making out. We're not in middle school.
Also, sex on one of the first few dates is NOT a turnoff and it does NOT mean the guy will think you do that all of the time.
There's the distinct possibility that you're being played and the second you give it up, he's out the door. But wouldn't you like to know sooner rather than later?
Never offering to pay
I've addressed this before, but just like Melissa McCarthy's acting career, I like to repeat things over and over again with hope that it will eventually catch on. Seriously though, there's just nothing remotely funny about that woman.
Offer to pay the entire bill if you go out to dinner or get drinks. It just shows the guy that you're being considerate.
Also, if it's a first date, you can learn a lot about a guy by doing this. If he tells you to put your money away, you've got a seemingly good guy. If he takes a few bucks or lets you pay the tip, he's probably still in the same good guy boat.
However, if he hands you the bill and says, "Thanks," well, at least he said, "Thanks." But you should probably jump ship because it's not going to get much better from there.
Boring me to death
If you're interested in a date, you shouldn't make him come up with the entire conversation. Don't give short answers to questions and feel free to ignite the ol' conversation flame yourself.
Ask some questions if you're curious. "So Matt, how many times a week do you go to the gym and what's your routine?"
"Great question! Five days a week and I only lift. Cardio makes you small."
Compliment his physique if you find him attractive. "Matt, your biceps are perfectly sculpted and your shoulders are massive."
"What can I say? Guess there are eight Wonders of the World."
My least favorite dates -- aside the ones that don't end with some horizontal playtime -- are the ones with forced conversation and awkward silences.
Censoring your language
This is definitely a personal one and it may be a little odd, but let a few "F" bombs fly here and there. I like a girl who has the ability to swear like a sailor... and is comfortable around seamen -- see what I did there? It's a maritime-based sex joke.
But as someone who is an avid user of the "F" bomb, along with all of its close relatives, it shows that you're not a square.
Guys don't want some dainty 50s housewife from Pleasantville (you can Google map this one -- it actually is a real place).
Plus, if you don't curse, you're going to have a hard time referring to me when you're telling your friends about our date (use the photo above as reference).
Head to amNY.com/dating every Friday for Matthew's latest column. To inquire about NYC dating advice, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Your question may appear in a future column, but no names will be used.