Almost nothing was sacred Wednesday night at the annual Al Smith dinner, the $2,000-a-plate fundraiser founded in 1945 by New York's archbishop.

Not even the man who now holds the title, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, was safe.

"Cardinal, if they ever change the rules about celibacy, I've got a perfect girl for you," said Home Depot founder Ken Langone, the night's honoree. "Her name is Jenny Craig."

Dolan roared at the Waldorf-Astoria grand ballroom as New York's Who's Who -- 850 of them -- groaned. The dinner -- named for New York's 42nd governor, Alfred E. Smith -- raises money for needy children, and Wednesday night's kitty on par to exceed $3 million.

Those on the dais spanned the political elite (Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, Mayor Bill de Blasio, Police Commissioner William J. Bratton) and captains of industry (New York Stock Exchange head Dick Grasso, former Mayor Michael Bloomberg). None of the above left un-singed.

"The governor just got back from Afghanistan -- the only place more hostile than Albany," said Alfred E. Smith IV, Smith's great-grandson.

"By the way, is Rob Astorino here?" he asked, referring to Cuomo's Republican foe for governor. "Seriously! I don't know what he looks like."

Said Langone, a Republican fundraiser: "What a crowd, although I don't see the person in charge of the NYPD up here tonight -- Al Sharpton."

The evening's keynote, TV's Charlie Rose, joked that the recent White House fence jumper was a certain potential 2016 contender: "The Secret Service let Hillary [Rodham Clinton] off with a warning. They told her, 'Technically, you have to win the election!' "

He added: "The president came to the UN hoping to meet with the president of Iran. [Hassan] Rouhani does not play golf."

Langone, philanthropist and GOP fundraiser, recalled his roots in Roslyn Heights: "Back then, someone's last name told you who they were. You can't trust last names anymore. De Blasio's a German. O'Connor is Jewish. Obama's American. The only guy who has a last name that tells you what he really is -- is Anthony Weiner."

The beef tenderloin and shrimp dinner overlapped with the Rev. Al Sharpton's 60th birthday party. Just after the meal began, Cuomo took a break to go two blocks to the Four Seasons for the preacher-turned-powerbroker's fete. De Blasio was due to go, too.