PUNCHLINES

Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com

February 21, 2008

David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama, although his hair is leaning toward Hillary."

Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Fidel Castro has resigned as Cuba's ruler. He wants to step down now so he can emigrate to the U.S. in time to collect Social Security."

Comedy writer Janice Hough: "So John McCain has now embraced the Bush tax cuts and voted against an anti-torture bill. He didn't need Mitt Romney's recent endorsement - he's become Mitt Romney."

Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Did you see Roger Clemens testifying before Congress? One congress- man named Elijah Cum-

mings called Clemens 'one of my heroes' and then called him a liar. So I guess that's what makes you a hero to a congressman."

Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Thousands of bats are reportedly dying from a mysterious illness in New York. Authorities say they have never seen so many listless bats in New York outside of Shea Stadium."

Comedy writer Pedro Bartes on NASA and Speedo teaming up to develop the world's fastest swimsuit: "The U.S. government immediately summoned the Pentagon to protect the secret, because if the swimsuit falls in the hands of Cubans, it could be very dangerous."