New Year's predictions are a tricky subject. Someone once said if we could truly foresee the future, we'd never get out of bed. I'm more optimistic, believing if you expect good things to happen, they usually will, and vice versa. One thing I'm fairly certain of is the following events will not happen in 2015:
Mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane, celebrate their anniversary with a romantic carriage horse ride around Central Park.
Taylor Swift ends her tenure as New York's "global welcome ambassador," and is replaced by Paula Deen.
The MTA announces a record number of riders in 2014 has created a surplus, therefore, they are rolling back fares to $2 a ride.
Jay Z declares Brooklyn no longer hip -- real estate values plunge.
De Blasio shows up an hour early to the annual Groundhog Day event on Feb. 2. When Staten Island Chuck pokes his head out and recognizes the mayor as the man who dropped his cousin Charlotte on her head, the terrified rodent jumps back into his hole.
The Second Avenue Subway is completed ahead of schedule and opens for business, as riders cheer.
Sony Pictures proudly announces it is filming a new Adam Sandler comedy about the assassination of Vladimir Putin.
A few hours after Hillary Clinton officially declares her candidacy for president, a video mysteriously surfaces of Bill Clinton making out with Elizabeth Warren. The furious former New York senator quickly organizes a fundraising concert featuring Bono, Lorde, Usher, Pink and Adele, where she announces that she has legally changed her name to just "Hillary."
In keeping with its recent history of renaming clearly designated bridges for politicians, such as changing the Triboro to the RFK, the MTA announces the Brooklyn Bridge will now be known as the Anthony Weiner.
Donald Trump says he's never been qualified for nor had any intention of running for president, and is deeply ashamed to admit all such previous declarations were cheap publicity stunts.
Insisting that de Blasio is ruining his legacy, ex-Mayor Mike Bloomberg suggests that term limits again be suspended so he can run for a fourth term. Wait a minute, that actually could happen!
Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.