Now that Donald Trump’s campaign has shrugged off his wife Melania’s almost word-for-word plagiarism of parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 convention speech, he is ready to deliver his acceptance speech on Thursday night.
I have gotten a sneak peek at the speech, which he will deliver at the Republican National Convention in Ohio. Here you go:
“Friends, relatives and all Americans, whether good-looking, ugly, stupid or fat — I accept your nomination!
“Three score and 10 years ago, a great man was born — and you’re looking at him! People tell me I was always destined to lead us, and who am I to argue?
“Because I had a dream — that someday, all my friends, relatives, little and big children, wives and ex-wives would meet in Cleveland one day, give speeches, join hands and give thanks that such an incredible winner as I will now lead this nation into the promised land.
“My childhood has prepared me well for this task. Someone once chopped down a cherry tree in my family’s huge front yard, and for some reason my father immediately confronted me about it. I said, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie — my sister did it!’
“For some reason dad didn’t believe me, snatched the bushel basket of cherries I was hawking on the street from my tiny hands and shipped me off to military school. But it taught me a valuable lesson. When you pull a scam, make sure you have plausible deniability!
“I promise to be the most incredible, winning-ist president in history, dedicated to the principle that all men are created equal, except perhaps for the Mexicans, the blacks, and the Muslims, who, by the way, all love me.
“So my fellow real Americans, ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what you can do for me! And by that, I mean help me govern this great nation we love, while I nap or play golf in Scotland.
“Help me make America hate — I mean great — again! And when we do, we will let freedom ring from the majesty of Trump Tower, to the halls of Mar-A-Lago, to the humble homes of all you losers out there.
“And when I become your president, we will all join hands and say, ‘Free at last, free at last, thank Trump almighty, we are free at last!’ ”
Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.