Carving knives, alcohol and Donald Trump — what could possibly go wrong?
Thanksgiving 2016 promises to be uniquely challenging. Fresh off an angrily contested election, family members you see perhaps once a year might hold political views that, to quote our president-elect, make you bleed from your eyeballs, or your wherever. Relatives who will either be clucking with glee at Trump’s victory or seething with rage at Hillary Clinton’s defeat might be ready to leap across the table at uncle Ralph when he instructs them to, “Get over it!”
Yep, a perfect recipe for Thanksgiving family disaster!
How to avoid it? Here’s a handy guide to keeping the peace while trying to keep your family in one piece:
Don’t talk politics! I know, easier said than done. Phrases such as “What kind of a racist jerk would vote for Trump?” or “Whiny liberal sore losers make me laugh” are out of bounds — at least until you’re on your way home.
Phrases to avoid while serving the turkey: “I assume you want a left wing?” or “Of course, you’d want only white meat!” are sure to lead to desperate, misplaced calls to the turkey hotline.
But if you still believe battling it out is the way to go, a large drumstick makes a handy weapon. However, I suggest curbing those impulses and seeing the good in the other side. Yes, I mean that!
More than ever, people tend to associate with those of similar beliefs, read the same articles and watch the same networks. Those who offer opposing views on Facebook are too often unfriended. But you can’t unfriend family.
Or can you? I’ve heard more than one story of relatives canceling out on Thanksgiving or not being invited because of their political beliefs. And that’s a shame.
I happen to know some really nice people who voted for Trump. Believe me, I don’t get it either. But this is neither the time nor place for an angry, self-righteous rant from either side. Think of your host. Your grandma. Your digestion. Leave the bashing to the NFL players on TV. And stay away from the liquor cabinet!
So happy Thanksgiving, damn it!
Playwright Mike Vogel is the author of the new comedy “Senior Moment.”