Guess who's coming to town? Celebrity royalty!

Prince William and his wife, Kate Middleton (but you can just call her Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge), will visit NYC for the first time on Dec. 7. They'll go to Brooklyn to take in a Nets-Cavaliers game at the Barclays Center on Dec. 8. Why? Maybe they want to see King James (aka LeBron) in person. Maybe they want to take a nostalgic ride down Kings Highway, named after William's ancestor, King Charles II.

One thing's for sure: The media will pant over the royal couple's three-day visit because a large number of Americans go gaga whenever we host British royalty. I don't get it. William is a descendant of King George III, the tyrant who ruled over us until we broke free in 1776. Ring a bell? Remember Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death"? Anyone?

Anyway, these royal welfare recipients will be greeted by Mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife and do the "just folks" rounds: Go to the game, the Sept. 11 memorial and a youth center, then a luncheon "to celebrate the achievements of a successful British community in New York from the culture, arts, hospitality and business sectors," according to the royals' website.

Kate seems to be the fun half of the duo. A fashion celebrity, she has titillated the British media with more wardrobe malfunctions than Britney Spears, including flashing her butt in a gust of wind, forgetting to weigh down her hem -- or wear underwear. The Stir website gushed, "Let's just say her derrière is even more perky and exquisite than we expected it to be." Kim Kardashian, eat your heart out!

To his credit, William seems a bit less clueless than his brother, Harry, who once thought it jolly good fun to attend a costume party in a Nazi uniform. Speaking of World War II, Dec. 7 also happens to be National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day. Gee, I wonder who will get more media attention -- those who sacrificed their lives for us on that day, or the telegenic royals whose every move figures to be tracked?

Before 1776, the British ruled in America. Right now celebrities do. I'm not sure which is worse. Meanwhile, the future king of England is coming to Kings County. Yo, Prince!

Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.