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Grading the election

By Meg Boyle

Because it's never too late to reminisce.

Grading the Election

(Yes! The Whole Thing!)

Demerit: Super Delegates

Go ahead, America, vote your conscience. If we don’t agree with you, we can just hand the nomination to another candidate. After all, we know better than you do about these things. We’re Democrats.

Gold Star: Huckabee Plays the Bass

In a band called Capitol Offense. Amazing.

Demerit: Rudy

Sir, I know Iowa is cold in the winter. No, you’re right, Florida is much warmer. Sunnier, too, yes. No, I get it, really. But couldn’t we … no? Um, sir, you’re going to have to campaign in more than one state. What was that? I missed a spot? Oh, sorry! Can we have an aide get me more suntan lotion?Gold Star: Tim Russert

Sunday mornings will never be the same.

Demerit: “You know he’s Muslim, right?”

Ah, to live in a country where it’s still OK to hate someone for a religion he doesn’t even practice.

Gold Star: Rachel Maddow

Dr. Maddow, if you’re nasty. Witty and super-smart, Maddow is the only thing worth watching on MSNBC. And she reads comic books. Come on, now, that’s just awesome.

Demerit: Crazy Preachers Run Amok

Obama’s pastor hates America, McCain sought the endorsement of a pastor who hates (make that really, really hates) Catholics and gays, and way over in Wasilla, Sarah Palin had a pastor pray over her to protect her from witchcraft. Thank goodness for the separation of church and state.

Gold Star: Saturday Night Live

The real winner of the election.

Demerit: TTYL, BRACK

“It’s 5:15 a.m. and you’re safe and asleep. But there’s a cell phone on your dresser and it’s vibrating …” Seriously, which is worse: The cold-sweat fear that your crazy ex-boyfriend is drunk-texting you or the discovery that it’s actually Barack Obama texting you to let you know that he chose Joe Biden to be his VP? Damn, Barry, it’s 5:15 a.m. I need my beauty sleep! (No comments, people.)

Demerit: Steve Schmidt

Rove-ism is dead, my man. Didn’t you get the memo?

Demerit: The Park Slope Conservative

Who never posted the comments I wrote in response to his post in early September that referenced my post about Sarah Palin (did you follow that?). To his credit, the PSC stopped blogging around the end of September. Just about the same time that Obama took the lead. Hmm …

Gold Star: Nate Silver

Inching ever closer to replacing Chuck Todd as my nerd crush. Is there anything cuter than a boy compulsively slaving over numbers?

Demerit: Sarah Palin

What a joke.

Demerit: Throwing Palin Under the Bus

“Diva.” “Whack job.” “Rogue.” The ranting of the elite liberal media? Nope. It was the criticism from within the McCain campaign in the final days of the election as they jumped to scapegoat Palin for a loss they hadn’t even incurred yet. Were these criticisms the truth? Probably. Were they also disgustingly unprofessional? You betcha!

Demerit: John Edwards

“Whispers at the bus stop; well, we heard about the nights out in the school yard. We found out about you-ooo … We found out about you-ooo …”

A Backwards-In-Time Gold Star: The Final Season of The West Wing

Wow, you guys sure called that one. I’m not going to lie, that’s a little creepy.

Demerit: Hysteria over Possible Bradley Effect

So widely talked about, even I got worried.

Gold Star: No Bradley Effect

And now, The Gold Star To End All Gold Stars: We elected the right guy.

(Now don’t eff it up, buddy.)

Tags: meg boyle , funny

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