Five on Five

TOPIC 1: Will the Yankees reduce Boston¹s AL East lead with this weekend's series?

Absolutely. Clemens + cortizone shots + Geritol = unstoppable.

Just wake me up when the Yankees have won the World Series. Inevitability is not great entertainment.

Yes. The Yankees will sweep the Sox, then treat them to haircuts and baths.

It'll be a bigger disaster for Boston than Britney's trainwreck 'comeback.'

The Yankees will not win again this season and will miss the playoffs by six games.

TOPIC 2: Pennington or Manning: Which QB's absence hurts his team more?

Eli Manning. There's a clause in Chad Pennington's contract to be out by Week 2 each year.

Pennington. In general, the presence of Eli Manning -- not his absence -- has hurt his team.

Both of their absences would significantly lower the teams' attractiveness ratings. Significantly.

Clemens is no star, but Lorenzen's worse: There'll be no post-game spread left for his teammates.

No!

TOPIC 3: What might be a suitable sanction for Bill Belichick's NFL signal taping?

He should have to come to New York and coach the Jets or the Giants for a full season.

Suspend him, then force him to watch whatever shaky video this sideline amateur recorded.

Forget brass knuckles. Use the Super Bowl rings on him.

He should be locked into a room and forced to listen to Kevin Federline's music for 24 hours straight.

Sit him in the upper tier of Giants stadium wearing a shirt that says 'Jets fans are stupid and ugly.'

TOPIC 4: How could NASCAR become a preferred spectator sport of New Yorkers?

Stay the course. NASCAR drivers and sponsors are a mirror of the melting pot that NYC is.

By changing the minds of newspaper editors who just can't see that happening.

The market value for the tailgating trailers would have to be inflated Manhattan-style.

If it were subways racing down Fifth Avenue.

It can't. We have more exciting races in this city on the FDR between psychotic cab drivers.

TOPIC 5: The professionals in which sport are the best athletes overall?

Cyclists. You try pedaling up the Pyrenees hours after a blood transfusion.

My grandfather used to say jockeys are the best athletes -- the smallest death defiers in sports.

Soccer players are quite agile, albeit significantly smaller than other pro athletes. Significantly.

NHL referees. Why don't you try to break up a fight involving huge Canadians and Russians?

I'd have to go with the luge. The pansies in these other sports don't go 90 mph downhill on a mini sled.

Sixth element

There's always room for one more. It's your turn to step up and give your five best answers to today's Five on Five topics. Tell us what you think.