TOPIC 1: What will the English make of the Giants-Dolphins game in London?
They'll be running around in 'Fill-in-the-blank United' jerseys until they realize it's American football.
They'll simply adore the Americans' game but resent that Queen wasn't the halftime show at Wembley.
The soccer hooligans will spend most of the game unsure about when to start a fatal riot.
They'll think it's a jolly good, smashing match of American football.

They will see Michael Strahan's teeth and treat him as one of their own.
TOPIC 2: How would you use all that free time if you were Jets QB Chad Pennington's backup?
I'd paint my toenails green and white. Hey, you've got to have team spirit.
I'd pick out a box of chocolates for coach Mangini that's more garish than anything Chad's ever given him.

Knitting a Chad Pennington voodoo doll and chanting like Jobu in 'Major League.'
Watch my 'Diff'rent Strokes Director's Cut DVD featuring the Gooch.'
Thinking of ways to tactfully teach Chad how to hold the clipboard at practice next week.
TOPIC 3: Congratulations on your unexpected entry into the NYC marathon. Nervous?
Yes! I don't want my toenails to get black from all that running. I could just use green and white polish.
Not particularly, no. It'll be all right since I'm going to ride my bike.
No. I have a secret ... Think Heelys.
I'm still finishing the 2005 Marathon. Once I finish last year's and get ready for this one, I'll get nervous.
Nah. I got through a 'Cheers' marathon once before with no problems.
TOPIC 4: Please dedicate a rhyming couplet to the next Yankees manager.
Congrats on your gig, hope you're getting five mil, Just watch your back -- that Steinbrenner's a pill.
Enjoy the barrage of ownership's threats, How soon you'll wish you'd instead joined the Mets.
No matter who controls the sail.
Mind your lineup and which pitchers are startin', One bad month and George unearths Billy Martin.

It's a pressure-filled job but have no fears, George will be gone within two or three years.
TOPIC 5: Which pro U.S. sports league's championship is the greatest?
Hockey's Stanley Cup. It gives me an excuse to sing 'Ice, Ice baby.'
The Stanley Cup. It's quite intimate: just you, the media and the teams. No one else is watching.

The Stanley Cup. You can't drink Champagne out of an NFL or MLB trophy.
The Stanley Cup, because you have to grow a beard, lose some teeth and pull your groin to win it.
The Super Bowl. I don't have to spend two weeks watching it, and there's occasional halftime nudity.