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This probe is just a pain in the ...

Wallace Matthews

9:40 PM EST, February 13, 2008

It was shortly before noon, about two hours into the august proceedings, that the so-called hearing of the Congressional Oversight Committee into steroid abuse in baseball became, to borrow a particularly juicy bit of testimony, a palpable mass on my buttocks.

It was at that moment that Rep. Tom Davis, Republican from Virginia, inadvertently revealed the committee's real agenda.

"Since the other side seems to be focusing on Mr. Clemens," Rep. Davis said to Brian McNamee, "I will direct my questions to you."

The "other side"

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What other side?

I thought we were all on the same side here, the side searching for truth, justice and the American way to succeed at sports without the help of chemicals.

So much for the fiction that this collection of glory-seekers, face-timers and, oh yeah, lawmakers, was in any way a unified body working toward a common goal, or at all interested in getting to the bottom of the issue at hand.

So much for the conceit that the committee, chaired by Henry Waxman, a Democrat, had any intention of seeking the truth.

For those who are questioning what good, if any, is coming out of this multimillion dollar boondoggle, the answer is, plenty.

You wonder why nothing ever gets done in Washington, why all these brilliant minds can't unravel the health care mess, balance the budget, find an alternative means of energy, end homelessness or figure out a way to keep more Americans from dying in Iraq.

Then you watch something as comparatively simple as Wednesday's hearing and the reason immediately becomes clear.

This 4 1/2-hour charade disguised as a hearing was Washington in microcosm. Democrats, following the lead of Waxman, put Clemens on the grill. Republicans, taking their cue from Davis, aimed their barbs at McNamee. And in the end, Clemens walked off knowing that since nothing was resolved, nothing more is likely to happen to him.

Did Clemens perjure himself? Probably not. Did he expose himself? Definitely yes.

Over the course of the day, he set himself up as victim and hero, Superman and super patriot. He characterized his supposed friend, Andy Pettitte, as too stupid to understand a conversation and later, too dependent upon Clemens to possibly have taken HGH without first telling him. He needed a fleet of Greyhound buses to accommodate all the former friends, associates and relatives -- he even blamed his late mother for suggesting he take injections of B-12 -- he threw under the wheels.

He and his wife, Debbie, tried to create the impression that two powerful, successful people such as themselves in reality had absolutely no control over their lives, and thus took no responsibility for their actions.

When in his deposition Pett.itte testified he felt he needed to answer only to God, Clemens thought that referred to him.

Clemens got the kid-gloves treatment from Davis, and from Rep. Wm. Lacy Clay of Missouri, who asked Clemens what jersey he would wear into the Hall of Fame, and especially from Dan Burton of Indiana, who became shrill screaming that McNamee was a liar and a drug dealer. Burton closed his shameful display by expressing his revulsion for the hearing while making sure to avail himself of his full 15 minutes of face time.

None of those good people cared to delve into how Clemens could explain why McNamee was being truthful about Pettitte and Chuck Knoblauch but lying about him. None of them challenged Clemens on the discrepancies in his account of Debbie Clemens' HGH use, although the description provided by Rep. John Tierney -- "Mr. McNamee injected your wife in your bedroom without your knowledge?" -- sounds like grounds for divorce.

The only ones who did, Waxman and Rep. Elijah E. Cummings, Democrat of Maryland, found to their frustration that as soon as they made a crack in Clemens' armor, their time would run out and it was now time for a member of the opposing party to allow him to rehabilitate himself.

It made for great theater, entertaining television and some memorable testimony. And one disturbing look at the way our government works. Or, more accurately, doesn't.