Krull: Just think of how A-Rod would juice up the mayoral race
In a move that promises to shake up the already quaking New York City political scene, Alex Rodriguez announced that he would withdraw his appeal to his suspension and throw his batting helmet into the mayoral race.
"I've proven that I'm shameless enough to be a great politician," Rodriguez said when announcing his candidacy. "I want to take my talents where they will be appreciated."
Embattled Democratic candidate Anthony Weiner immediately jumped on Rodriguez's alleged steroid use, calling him a cheater. "A-Fraud has lost the trust of New Yorkers by trying to get a special advantage over his opponents," Weiner said. "I am willing to take a drug test to prove that I am not taking performance enhancing drugs, including Viagra."
Christine Quinn, the Democratic front-runner, also weighed in on Rodriguez's entry into the mayoral field. "There is no place for performance enhancing drugs in politics," Quinn said during an interview. "My propensity for hypocrisy and self-promotion are all natural."
Another mayoral hopeful, Bill Thompson, trying to counter Rodriguez's appeal to baseball fans, announced his opposition to the stopping and frisking of spectators as they enter stadiums: "We must end the discriminatory practice of profiling all baseball fans as criminals."
Democratic strategist James Carville wonders if Rodriguez's status as a single man will hurt his appeal. "Given that he's unmarried, he's going to have a hard time coming up with a sex scandal that keeps his name recognition high," said Carville.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg issued a statement that seemed aimed at the field of candidates trying to succeed him: "I have instructed the Board of Elections to draw up regulations to ban supersized egos from politics." The statement, issued from Bloomberg's vacation home atop Mount Olympus in Greece, continued, "Political scientists have proved that excessive chutzpah is dangerous to the electorate's health."
Despite the pushback against Rodriguez's candidacy, polls show that 90 percent of Yankees fans intend to vote for the former All-Star. One respondent summed up the sentiment of these voters: "I figure that voting A-Rod mayor is the only way to make sure that he never wears a Yankees uniform again."
Satirist and attorney Ben Krull lives on the Upper East Side.