The Hamburgler's Dilemma

Those who know me will not be shocked by the following confession: I love burgers.

I can just hear the collective groan let out by my friends.

“We knew that,” they’ll whine, “in college you ate burgers every day of the week.” How much do I love burgers?

Let’s just say you should keep your patties under lock and key.

That said, I have lately gone off my favorite food. Why? Factory farming. After reading Michael Pollan’s “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and Barbara Kingsoliver’s “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle,” I just can’t consume beef with the same vigor I once did.

So, I’ve started to look for alternatives. And since the “best burger in the city debate” has been exhausted anyway, why not start a “best non-meat burger” debate? Here are some of my picks. What are yours?Those who know me will not be shocked by the following confession: I love burgers.

I can just hear the collective groan let out by my friends.

“We knew that,” they’ll whine, “in college you ate burgers every day of the week.” How much do I love burgers?

Let’s just say you should keep your patties under lock and key.

That said, I have lately gone off my favorite food. Why? Factory farming. After reading Michael Pollan’s “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and Barbara Kingsoliver’s “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle,” I just can’t consume beef with the same vigor I once did.

So, I’ve started to look for alternatives. And since the “best burger in the city debate” has been exhausted anyway, why not start a “best non-meat burger” debate? Here are some of my picks. What are yours?

Shake Shack

Southeast corner of Madison Square Park, near Madison Ave. and E. 23rd St.

212-889-6600

There may not be consensus on the quality of the original shake shack burger (some love it, others don’t), but that doesn’t stop throngs of New Yorkers from waiting an hour plus in line for a taste of Danny Meyer’s goods (some brave polar bear types on line this very minute). While the shack is known for double and triple stacks of meat, they also serve a mean Portobello burger.

Doesn’t that look yummy? This baby is deep fried and stuffed in the middle with Muenster cheese.

Barrette

601 Vanderbilt Ave., corner of Bergen

718-320-5170

Want a healthier Portobello burger? Want is served with a side of breasts? Then definitely hit up Barrette in Prospect Heights. Their burgers are not deep fried and stuffed with cheese, rather they’re grilled. Plus they’re mini and cute. Also, burlesque dancers shake their pasties two nights a week. Burgers and breasts … is there a better combination?

Pop burger

58-60 Ninth Ave., bet. 14th and 15th sts.

212-414-8686

14 East 58th St.

212-991-6644

POP Burger has started serving what it terms the “invisible burger.” The name is an Andy Warhol reference (how pretentious), but also alludes to the burger’s meatless-ness. The burger in question is a deep fried Portobello slider, served on a brioche and covered in lettuce, tomato and “special sauce.”

Fanelli’s Café

94 Prince St., at Mercer St.

212-226-9412

For a veggie burger that actually tastes like it’s made of veggies (as opposed to cardboard), hit up this SoHo haunt. You can actually see the vegetables in the patty. Granted, it doesn’t taste anything like an actual burger, and it doesn’t pretend for an instance to be meat, but it does have a freshness all it’s own.

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