Visions of next year's celebrity gossip
There's no denying that 2011 was a wild year for celebrity news, one filled with meltdowns, marriages and general mayhem. Will 2012 compare? We're far from clairvoyant, but we took the liberty of rounding up a few celeb gossip predictions for the new year - those we hope to see, and others we might see whether we want to or not.
This will ALL be true
E! will recruit yet another fame-seeker to play the part of Kim Kardashian's boyfriend, this time aiming for a wide-eyed Zac Efron-type. They'll have a demure City Hall wedding after a month to show it's for real, then get it annulled 48 hours later when Danilo Gallinari says he would have taken the job this time around.
Kris Jenner will appear on Season 14 of "Dancing With the Stars" (followed by Bruce Jenner on Season 15, Kourtney Kardashian on Season 16, Kendall Jenner on Season 17, Kylie Jenner on Season 18, Khloe Kardashian on Season 19 and Mason Disick on Season 20).
The obligitory 'Big Breakup'
Following Ashton and Demi, the next major celebrity split will be Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. They'll cite "busy schedules" as the reason, but most will assume that storied "marriage contract" is up.
The kid's fake
Beyoncé and Jay-Z will continue to be the class acts they are by not selling pictures of their due-any-day baby to the tabloids, prompting speculation that the kid - much like Bey's baby bump - is a fake.
Kanye the Brit
Confirming recent reports, Kanye West will move to London to pursue his fashion design career. While there, he'll hire a dialect coach and master a spot-on Geordie accent (which he'll refuse to drop) and then change his name to Kanye-Upon-West.
Same old, same old
Lindsay Lohan will miss court appointments, steal jewelry, stumble out of more clubs and pose for photo calls promoting movies that never come to fruition. In other words, status quo for 2012.
Succeeding Jennifer Hudson as the new face of Weight Watchers, Jessica Simpson will be back in bombshell shape after giving birth, prompting tabloids to be saccharine sweet (get ready for lots of "Hot mama!!!" captions), conveniently forgetting how mean they were to her in 2011.
A baby ... duh
Jennifer Aniston will get pregnant by BF Justin Theroux ... Or he'll split and she'll adopt a baby from Mexico, causing tabloid offices to literally combust.
Bizarre 16-year-old shock queen Courtney Stodden will find a way to extend her 15 minutes by getting pregnant with 52-year-old husband Doug Hutchison's baby before signing on for the creepiest reality show ever, compliments of TLC.