‘Secret Obsession’ review: Wannabe psychological thriller from Netflix a lazy bore

Mike Vogel and Brenda Song in the not-so-suspenseful "Secret Obsession." Photo Credit: Craig Ruttle

‘Secret Obsession’

Directed by Peter Sullivan

Starring Brenda Song, Mike Vogel, Dennis Haysbert

Rated TV-14

Streaming on Netflix

If you think the title “Secret Obsession” is generic, you should see the movie. Actually, you shouldn’t bother.

Netflix’s wannabe psychological thriller with plot holes to spare and no jolts to speak of stars Brenda Song (an alum of “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody”) as Jennifer, who manages to elude a knife-wielding creep only to get creamed by a car and end up with amnesia.

By her side is hunky Russell (Mike Vogel, of “The Help”), her doting husband — or so he claims. Jennifer can’t recall him, but a couple of photographs and — get this — identifying a back tattoo satisfy the hospital staff that he’s legit.

Jennifer’s unease grows when Russell brings her home to a secluded mansion where neighbors are scarce (our nearest ones are “a mile away,” he reminds), cell service is spotty (yawn) and the supposed spouses’ wedding pictures scream Photoshop for Beginners. Jen smells a rat.

Det. Frank Page (Dennis Haysbert), who would’ve retired except for a family tragedy that’s mentioned and quickly abandoned, gets a whiff of something worse that’s decomposing as he doggedly follows the case to its predictable end.

The nagging issue with this movie, slackly directed and co-written by Peter Sullivan, is that even though the story is set in the present, it seems like it’s pre-internet. A few clicks could clear things up. But then there’d be no movie.

TV thrillers can make for cheesy good fun, even with — if not thanks to — preposterous plots and over-the-top acting. “Secret Obsession” doesn’t go there. It’s just by-the-numbers and lazy. No secret: That’s a bore.