Aries Ranch dressing, Reality TV, figs, vintage jewelry and an ill-advised tweet conspire to create your most event-filled February yet.
Taurus Fonzie says “Aaay!” — and so will you, as a series of April and August events see your workplace stock soar to unprecedented heights.
Gemini After being hit with cosmic rays during a full moon, your disdain of viral cat videos is reversed to the point of unhealthy obsession. Get some help!
Cancer The contents of a long-forgotten box, discovered during spring cleaning, will launch you on a harrowing adventure filled with physical risk and spiritual reward.
Leo A September surge of ambition puts you on the long and winding road towards realizing that dormant dream of anchoring a winning bowling team.
Virgo An uncanny ability to find hidden meaning in plot points from Season 4 of Downton Abbey allows you to wisely council a friend beset by March madness.
Libra You will win a late summer dance contest and, in the process, create an easily mastered move that lifts the spirits of a weary nation.
Scorpio News reports of carefree college kids on spring break prompts you to spend a lost weekend obeying the siren call of long-dormant hobbies, habits and hairstyles.
Sagittarius Beware the iPhones of March. Wait a month, and the upgrade you covet will plummet in price. Et tu, app store?
Capricorn Where Suze Orman sees forbidden extravagance, Mystico eyes your tax refund as the source of an indulgent splurge that yields sexy dividends. Not all profit is financial!
Aquarius The seeds of an idea planted late last year will produce a bumper crop of fresh pursuits — but only if you resist the frosty discontent of others during this winter.
Pisces June dreams about a non-existent, late career Marx Brothers movie will inspire you to write a screenplay that gets optioned by Paramount come September.
