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It’s the fine print that’s going to get us all

Focus.

This is important.

That’s what I kept telling myself while trying to read proposed new regulations by the New York Joint Commission on Public Integrity (JCOPE). Crossing them might one day land me in jail, so there was strong incentive to pay attention.

But even with the prospect of the Big House looming, my eyes glazed over:

Text: In applying Harriss to the New York lobbying laws, the CICU court ratified the boundaries that the Lobbying Commission had imposed on itself (in Op. No. 21). Further, an ensuing progeny of decisions by the Lobbying Commission . . . .

My Brain: In applying Harriss to the . . . Notre Dame has to stay in the BCS playoff picture — right? — even with Saturday’s ugly win. . .

. . . had imposed on itself (in Op. No. 21) . . . Don’t forget to pay that parking ticket before it doubles again . . .

. . . further, an ensuing progeny . . . Turkeys really do get mistreated. Could I become a vegetarian next year . . . ?

Snap out it, O’Reilly. Focus!

That kind of thing.

I don’t know why lawyers and bureaucrats have to be such colorless, mind-numbing writers. Maybe it’s not the words, but some dark-magic font they use — “Soul-Crushing-Soviet-Gray” perhaps (sans serif). Two sentences of it and you want to open your wrists lengthwise, sit in a warm bath and bleed out.

And boy do they keep busy. Every day some government body or other is thinking up a new sand-in-the-shorts regulation or three. There are so many on the federal books already that no one is able to count them. The number of federal regulations that carry criminal penalties alone is now estimated at 300,000 — and ignorance of the law is no excuse. Every man is presumed to know the law, under the law.

Get reading.

President Barack Obama just announced 2,224 new federal regulations. He did it on the Friday before Thanksgiving, a historic dumping ground day for news you don’t want anyone to see. Coincidence? You decide: He added 3,400 on the same day last year.

In New York we’re told there at least 750,000 state regulations. Like with Washington, no one knows how many for sure.

The latest by JCOPE, an entity that began as the Temporary Commission on Lobbying, seeks to force New York public relations companies to register as lobbyists if they publicly relate anything to do with government policy or ideas.

So if you receive payment to write about ideas or public affairs, you’ll now have to, among other things, register with the government with which you take issue, turn over the names of everyone you work for and with, disclose your salary to the world, and file meticulous monthly reports, errors on which will result in steep pecuniary fines.

Here a snippet in Soul Crushing Soviet Gray:

A grassroots communication constitutes lobbying if it:

1. References, suggests, or otherwise implicates an activity covered by Lobbying Act Section 1-c(c).

2. Takes a clear position on the issue in question; and

3. Is an attempt to influence a public official through a call to action, i.e., solicits or exhorts the public, or a segment of the public, to contact (a) public official(s).

Got that?

I really don’t. But I’m pretty sure it would have landed Thomas Paine in jail.

Ever get the feeling that government can get any of us at any time; that all it needs to do is look up the right code and we’re toast?

I’m tempted to tell Albany to take a hike if these regulations go through. I’d like to see how far they’d go to mute a communications company that does nothing but hone and amplify the constitutionally protected speech of others. Will regulators next prohibit the news media from reading its news releases? Or will they stifle dissent by fining us all into bankruptcy before locking shut the jail door?

What punishment can the regulators mete out that’s worse than having to read their torturous and never-ending screeds? I can think of none.

William F. B. O’Reilly is a Republican consultant.