Either one of the stupidest pranks in history took place last week — or a miracle.
In case you missed it, a lawyer’s pants burst into flames in a Miami courtroom while he defended a client on arson charges.
No, that’s not a joke. The lawyer, Stephen Gutierrez, claims that a faulty battery in an e-cigarette in his pocket exploded. Gutierrez denies deliberately setting it off to prove his case that his client’s car could have “spontaneously combusted.”
Hmm, sounds a little fishy. But what if he’s telling the truth? Then this moves from a classic “Flori-duh” tale to the greatest story ever told — undeniable proof of the existence of God. Imagine if this is a trial run from heaven?
Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if every time a lawyer or unfaithful partner or, yes, politician lied, his or her pants burst into flames? Do you see where I’m going with this?
Just days before Gutierrez’s pants ignited, about 90 miles up the road, President Donald Trump was furiously tweeting from Mar-a-Lago. Offering no proof, he claimed that former President Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. After a series of rapid-fire accusations, he suddenly stopped. Did his pajamas spontaneously combust?
Were these tweets aimed to deflect attention from reports that members of Trump’s team met with Russian officials during the presidential campaign?
Is Trump blithely flinging pants-on-fire-style fibs about everything from “millions of illegal voters” to the media deliberately underestimating the size of his inauguration crowd to make us cynical of all news sources — lumping fringe sites with legitimate, established media sources as “fake news”?
Trusting our president is vital for democracy. If we suddenly were to attack North Korea or Iran, some will wonder whether it’s for legitimate purposes or a more sinister deflection.
As evidence that members of the Trump campaign secretly met with Russia officials continues to be revealed, a special prosecutor seems likely to be appointed. And it’s quite likely Trump himself would be required to testify.
If so, I’ve got the perfect lawyer for him. Gutierrez’s burns were superficial, and he’s ready to go!
Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.
