Wednesday is Bill Clinton's birthday, but when he blows out the candles on his cake, it will be Hillary Clinton making the wish: Don't extinguish my campaign.
Bill is 69. He's had major heart surgery. And yes, his wife is still the favorite to be our next -- and first female -- president. But Hillary faces a dilemma, and I'm not talking about classified email. What do you do when your husband is both your biggest asset and biggest potential liability?
On the plus side, the birthday boy is still a terrific campaigner, a schmoozer with a warm, charismatic presence that Hillary will never possess. He knows how to charm not only a crowd, but also key Republicans, from the Bushes to Donald Trump.
Right before Trump declared for the Republican nomination, Bill Clinton had a phone conversation/pep talk with him, according to The Washington Post, telling The Donald he was a rising force among conservatives. Trump declared soon after, and since then chaos has reigned in the GOP, which has only helped Hillary's chances.
Meanwhile, Hillary faces some serious issues, from the FBI going through her email server to Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders leading her in the latest New Hampshire primary poll.
But as in many a horror movie, the biggest threat to Hillary's election may lurk right inside her Westchester County home.
It's no secret that Bill Clinton has skeletons in and out of the closet. Numerous women have claimed to have been involved in affairs with or received unwanted sexual advances from "the Big Dog."
The latest drama involves Brooklyn-born billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, who was convicted in 2008 of having sex with underage girls and whom Bill chummed and jetted around with. Don't be surprised when the GOP outrage machine (Servergate! Benghazi! Littering!) tries a guilt by association move on Hillary over this as well (Epstein!).
But Bill has shrugged it all off, and continues his new Spartan lifestyle, which includes a vegan diet, Buddhist meditation to relax, charitable work worldwide and helping Hillary's campaign whenever asked.
So enjoy your sugar-free birthday cake, Bill. For Hillary's and all our sakes, hopefully you have finally realized that you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at newyorkgritty.net.