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'Colin Quinn: The New York Story': Jokes every NYC resident will get

What does it mean to be a New Yorker?

“Rude, opinionated, pushy, loud, fast-talking, sarcastic” -- those are just a few words that Brooklyn-born comedian Colin Quinn uses to describe NYC residents in his Netflix special, streaming now.

In “Colin Quinn: The New York Story,” the standup comedian takes viewers through a not-so-PC account of NYC’s history, touching on countless immigrant groups and how they’ve been woven into the city’s culture.

“All the people that came here came here because they were miserable where they were, so now, you know, you’ve got a city filled with miserable people,” he quips.

The whole special is definitely worth a watch, but here are some of our favorite bits from "The New York Story."

On blue-collar snobs:

Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

"Everybody from New York thinks they're better than everybody else ... This is the only city that has blue-collar snobs," Quinn says. "You could take someone -- two years of high school -- put 'em in a room with MIT professors. After an hour, you're like, 'What'd you think of them?' They'll be like, 'They're not New York ... they're educated, I give 'em that, they're smart, but they don't get it.'"

On what's rude and what's polite:

Quinn explains that
Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

Quinn explains that "what's rude to the rest of the country is polite to us -- and vice versa." He elaborates, "If I go into a pizza place and [I say], 'Gimme a slice,' that's polite because you're not trying to hold the line ... if you go into a pizza place like, 'Hi, how are you? You must be hot workin' back there,' that's rude, you know what I'm saying? There's no stools - they want you to walk and eat your food, you have to fold your food and walk."

On delis:

Quinn says German immigrants in the 1800s
Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

Quinn says German immigrants in the 1800s "brought the delicatessen, which is a German word, and it's the German personality that's still here today -- where the customer's not always right, they yell at you, they hurry you, they bully you -- efficiency over humanity." He impersonates the deli workers: "C'mon, lets go, whaddaya want? While we're young, let's go. Whaddaya want? You don't know what you want? Then get over there." Quinn notes that "we're still the only city that has two lines -- one's for people that know what they want, and one's for people that don't know what they want. And if you get on the line that doesn't know what they want, you almost never get back on the other line."

On people acting like cars:

Quinn describes New York as
Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

Quinn describes New York as "a city for walkers, not cars ... every car acts like a person, and every person acts like a car. Pedestrians are in charge."

On the subway:

The subway makes a New Yorker out of
Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

The subway makes a New Yorker out of anyone, Colin Quinn remarks. "You take the nicest girls -- they're all chirpy, happy -- after nine months on that subway ... one day you're on the subway, they're on the subway, and you hear the announcement: 'Sorry for the delay, someone jumped on the tracks and killed themselves.' And they're like, 'You gotta be s**tting me right now.'"

On the old Times Square:

Photo Credit: Netflix / Chris Owyoung

"Times Square, you'd get off the train, Port Authority, the pimps would be lined up like CitiBikes -- they'd be lined up where the CitiBikes are now -- all of them just standing there, a couple of empty slots."


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