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What we learned from The Fat Jew's book

There's nothing like a Z-list celebrity memoir. Literally nothing.

In his first book, "Money Pizza Respect," Josh Ostrovsky, aka The Fat Jew, shares original poetry, recipes, excerpts from his childhood diary, coupons and coloring book pages to serve as breaks from reading, in true Z-list style. "It's so nineties to read," he says of his own book, on page 45.

Ostrovsky wrote this book because he wants his audience to get to know him beyond the short form they see on social media, he told amNY via email.

As a man who wears many hats (if they can fit over his ridiculous vertical ponytail), Ostrovsky feels that "anything is possible" in 2015.

"Now, the world is so interconnected and localized because of the Internet that you could start an app that allows people to customize scarves for their pet iguanas and that could become a tremendous deal...," he said.

As a result of publishing "Money Pizza Respect," Ostrovsky thinks he will be recognized as the new James Joyce.

With significantly fewer pages (and words) than "Finnegans Wake," here's what you'll learn from Ostrovsky's new book.

On the book's title . . .

Josh Ostrovsky decided on the title
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram

Josh Ostrovsky decided on the title "Money Pizza Respect" the night he signed his book contract. He was eating a slice of pizza. Different things inspire different people. The Fat Jew reveals that it is his motto and has it tattooed on the right ride of his body. (See Page 7)

On being a decent person . . .

Josh Ostrovsky shares 11 commandments of what not
Photo Credit: Diana Colapietro

Josh Ostrovsky shares 11 commandments of what not to do. Throughout his travels, he says he has encountered a wide variety of people and experiences. He simply wishes to "help the world" by offering these commandments. With his advice -- from not talking too loudly, to not being overly positive, to not overusing movie quotes to be funny, Ostrovsky reveals his anthropological awareness. (See Page 139)

On erotica . . .

In the memoir, The Fat Jew reveals that
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram/tw: @katethewasp

In the memoir, The Fat Jew reveals that when was 12 years old, he wanted to write erotic novels. He even thought about writing this book as an erotic novel, but did not get a very positive response. Ostrovsky reached a compromise with his agent and his editor and included one erotica chapter, "Passionate Liaisons." (See Page 25)

On the night of his bar mitzvah . . .

His father took him to a strip club.
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram

His father took him to a strip club. In the chapter titled, "My Dad Thinks I'm Gay," The Fat Jew lists reasons for his father to question his sexuality, including the facts that he served Play-Doh hors d'oeuvres, was obsessed with disco music and had autumn as the theme of his bar mitzvah. (See Pages 35 and 36)

On being a child actor . . .

The Fat Jew got a taste of the
Photo Credit: Daniel Oines via Flickr

The Fat Jew got a taste of the limelight at an early age, he says in "Money Pizza Respect." He explains that he acquired his first talent agent when he was 9 years old and began auditioning for commercials. His first real job was a national network commercial for Hershey's chocolate syrup. (See Pages 12 and 13)

On being a judge for a bikini contest . . .

In the spirit of The Fat Jew's miscellaneous
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram

In the spirit of The Fat Jew's miscellaneous resume, he can add being a judge for a "hot bikini body" contest for pregnant women in Tampa Bay, Fla., a few years ago. He chose the winner of the contest who took home $750 cash and a gift certificate to a local steakhouse. (Page 85)

On being a best man . . .

As his brother's best man, The Fat Jew
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram/Reddit: mikbok117

As his brother's best man, The Fat Jew was responsible for planning the bachelor party. True to character, the night for his brother and the groomsmen was ludicrous. The evening started with a seemingly normal dinner at Peter Luger Steak House in Williamsburg. After that, the group went to a strip club, participated in a "weekly Dominican dogfighting get-together on the Lower East Side" and attended an "illegal, all-tranny sex circus" in Brooklyn. The Fat Jew and his brother ended the night in a rather conventional way at their favorite childhood diner. (Pages 189 to 195)

On being a boss...

The Fat Jew has interns, of course. A
Photo Credit: The Fat Jewish via Instagram/Imgur: Pumphouse

The Fat Jew has interns, of course. A published self-evaluation of one of his interns reveals that the hiring process that consisted of a "Hunger Games"-like scavenger hunt in Central Park followed by an internship that included tasks such as learning French in less than 12 hours, moving The Fat Jew's car on alternate side street parking days, and sewing a thong made of beef jerky. It's unclear if the intern received compensation. (Pages 243 to 245)

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