Mystico’s Back to School Horoscopes


mysticoAquarius  Pencils down. You know everything you need to ace a test based on life lessons learned over the past few weeks. Proceed with confidence!

Pisces  Like the lunchbox thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, your intelligent design allows for stunning displays of classroom (or workplace) versatility during the next full moon.

Aries  Exam crammers who tap the midnight oil have burned the bridge that connects Mount Test Prep to High Score Hill. Don’t wait until the last minute!

Taurus  To emerge unscathed from life’s endless game of dodgeball, seek the safety of empty space instead of obsessing over each and every incoming orb.

Gemini  A Trapper Keeper, Garanimals and Schoolhouse Rock: If you remember these during their first run, forget about showing up for school and focus on the pros and cons of AARP membership!

Cancer  Your old elementary school teacher appears to you in an uneasy dream, with compelling advice about a dicey moral dilemma that will surface next week.

Leo  Walk through the forest of the Trees of Knowledge and listen to the lessons of the leaves. It worked for Yentl!

Virgo  You will become bedeviled by a comely red-headed classmate, whose long locks hang perilously close to your inkwell. Divert or dip? The choice is yours.

Libra  Your snarky habit of pointing out the minor grammatical mistakes of others are like school on Sunday: No Class.

Scorpio Bake Sale cupcakes are tasty, but a direct donation raises more money for the band’s big spring trip. Ice bucket showboaters, take note!

Sagittarius  Resist the temptation to return that spiffy new shirt whose oversized design elicits cruel comments from classroom chums. You are an early adopter of the next big trend!

Capricorn  It is better to bring one’s own well-balanced bag lunch than curse the cafeteria’s mystery meat.