GRAND LARCENY AUTO: The Manhattanite and the motorcycle | Perhaps he should have chosen something a little less compact and portable while choosing his new set of wheels. At about 9:30pm on Thurs., Aug. 4 the 30-year-old man parked his cycle directly opposite the Dream Hotel (355 W.16th St., btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.), and then left to party at the Toa Lounge a short distance away. When he returned to this spot in the wee hours of the morning, he discovered that his $15,000 2016 Ducati was missing. It just so happens, that while the man was partying, a 23-year-old Brooklyn man witnessed an individual standing in front of a van near the Dream Hotel. Then, a bit later, he was observed pushing a white Ducati motorcycle eastbound on W. 16th St., toward Eighth Ave. Unfortunately, cameras could not be accessed at the time of the police report’s filing, making it more difficult to identify the chopper caper’s culprit.
FORGERY: Cards off the table | One gambling man learned that when your number is up, there’s really no such thing as a free ride — except, perhaps, to the big house. At about 1pm on Fri., Aug. 5, officers witnessed a 22-year-old bending the magnetic strip on multiple MetroCards in the 14th St./Eighth Ave. subway station, in order to gain access to the subway system without paying for a swipe. Upon investigation, police found seven such damaged cards on the man — as well as an open docket. The perp himself was presumably bent out of shape when he was arrested.
ASSAULT: Tag team trouble | At about 4am on Sat., Aug. 6, officers witnessed three men (ages 24, 25, & 26) on the 200 block of W. 19th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.), punching and kicking a 27-year-old victim from Queens — causing injury to his head, face, and back. Recognizing this was a totally unfair pileup, and also thoroughly illegal, police arrested the trio of assaulters.
NARCOTICS POSSESION: Citizen Cocaine | Have you heard the one about the man who walks into a sex shop… and then refuses to leave? That particular yarn was spun to an officer arriving on the scene at Sexy Boutique (155 Eighth Ave., btw. W. 17th & W. 18th Sts.) on Sat., Aug. 6 by a 33-year-old employee, who asserted that a particular 29-year-old Bronx man on the premises strolled into the store at a gentleman’s 5:30pm, and then refused to leave, despite being told the week prior that he was not allowed back at the establishment (leaving the rich history of his questionable behavior to the imagination). “I am a citizen and free to stay here,” retorted the man, professing his presumed constitutional right to loiter in a sex shop, and deciding to die on that particularly kinky hill. The man’s brave crusade was significantly complicated, though, by an active warrant docket and a quantity of alleged cocaine found in his bag during an inventory search. He was arrested by the officer, who presumably used regular old handcuffs, and not, like, those sexy ones on sale at the store.
PETIT LARCENY: Spicy homemade lime & crime steak recipe! | At about 10am on Sat., Aug. 6, a 27-year-old Bronx man discovered a delicious new recipe for trouble after shoplifting at a Food Emporium (452 W. 43rd St., btw. Ninth & 10th Aves.). You, too, can try it for yourself, and have a delicious criminal record in 30 minutes or less!
Ingredients: Four shell steaks, one pepper, limes, and deodorant (for garnish). Estimated cost, $56.
- Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.
- Steal above listed ingredients. Add some spice by throwing in a liberal dash of “employee witness,” in order to give your crime a lil’ extra kick!
- Exit store without paying. In order to get caught thoroughly, be sure not to get too far away, and allow your ingredients to be recovered!
- Sit in hot water, waiting for officer’s arrest.
Serves: Time.
—SEAN EGAN
THE 10th PRECINCT: Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Capt. Paul Lanot. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-924-3377. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7pm, at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced. They are on hiatus until Sept. 28.
THE 13th PRECINCT: Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: Brendan Timoney. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30pm, at the 13th Precinct. They are on hiatus until Sept. 20.
CASH FOR GUNS | $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.
