So, you’re on Tinder to have a good time, but also to find “The One.” What will you miss most once your single days are behind you?
The single life is hard … said no one ever.
Compared to the hell that was my last relationship, I’d take the single life any day of the week.
But even I want to settle down. I want the same thing most people want. I want to find someone who makes me happy, get married and make me a boy who grows up to play in the NHL. I don’t think I’m asking for that much. Plus, being a bachelor is more work than you’d think.
I know the end of my single life is approaching, because I’m getting to the point where it just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. So let’s proceed with my single life eulogy.
Sleeping by myself is about the best thing ever. Do I enjoy a good cuddle session every now and again? Sure, who doesn’t? But I also enjoy sleeping like a baby, which usually doesn’t happen when I have half of the bed space I used to. Luckily, most of the girls I share a bed with these days get the old heave-ho (no pun intended) as soon as we’re done, well, you know.
Let’s keep rolling with that while we’re on the subject. Something I’ll certainly miss is sleeping with multitudes of women. I’ve had some real insane bedroom experiences over the last few years. Crazy stuff. Seriously though, there were a couple of occasions where, like Princess Jasmine on the magic carpet with Aladdin, I got to see “A Whole New World.” Sexually, I’m like a Vietnam vet: I have seen some stuff, I kid you not.
I think that for me, a lot of being single is just the fact that there’s always a chance with any beautiful girl I might stumble upon. It doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not I decide to hit on the aforementioned girl, I just like having the option there. It’s also nice to be able to check out squirrel while walking around NYC without having to feel bad about it.
What the single life really comes down to is the general freedom of not having to constantly care about anyone but myself. I like having my personal time. I like having to think about what I have to do each day, not what “we” have to do.
If I’ve done my job right, I won’t mind not being single too much because I will have found “the one” — my true soulmate. And who is my soulmate? Like I’ve said before, she’s a bombshell who continues my carpet ride to a whole new world and gives me a son who skates out of the womb. Game on.
I heard this myth once, and it really stuck with me over the past few years. Legend has it that one day you might find “The One,” and subsequently your dating days will be no more. I know, it’s hard to believe, but judging by the recent influx of wedding announcements popping up on my Facebook newsfeed, the myth might be reality.
Truthfully, I don’t believe that there is one single person you’re meant to be with, but for the purpose of this article, let’s keep in mind that when I say “The One,” I really mean “The One At This Point In My Life.”
Having been single for the majority of my life, wrapping my head around the idea of abandoning my legacy relationship status make me nervous, both in good ways and bad. And sticking to my personal brand, I’ll focus on the negative.
When I find “The One,” I’m going to miss the anxiety that goes hand-in-hand with dating. A life void of over-analyzing text messages and first date body language? Well, I never! A normal person would find this to be such a relief, however I am clearly not normal. I like to feel, like, really feel, feelings and there is something so unifying about feeling anxious about a guy. It’s a bond you share with millions of women all around the world, really. I’m not ready to leave the party yet.
I’m also going to miss all of the firsts. Whether it be the first text he sends indicating he maybe sort of likes me, the first date (even the horrible ones), the first kiss followed by the far superior first make-out session, the first sleepover and so forth. Sure, relationships have a fair share of firsts too, but there’s something about not knowing the ins and outs of the other person or what they will do next that makes it more exciting.
Above all, I’m going to miss the stories. When I find “The One,” I am certain that my content will suffer. And by content I mean, the blogs, tweets and anecdotes I make public on a daily basis. If you look at my phone’s photo library, you’ll find an alarming number of screenshots of cringeworthy Tinder conversations and confusing texts from boys that were promptly sent to friends for analysis. What will I talk about with my co-workers on Monday morning if not the French boy I made out with on Saturday night who was so attractive it actually hurt? Being single offers an endless supply of writing material, but once that’s over what’s left to talk about? “So uh, yeah, we started watching ‘The West Wing’ this weekend, which was pretty exciting…”
I wrote a bucket list when I was 13 or 14, and on it I outlined that I should be in a serious relationship by 25 in order to be married by 27. First, teen Kelly had no chill. Second, I’m turning 25 in September, and I have no immediate plans to settle down. There’s still too much New York dating content out there that I need to experience and live-tweet about!
Head to amNY.com/dating every Friday, as Matthew and Kelly take on the realities of dating in NYC from both sexes’ points of view. To inquire about NYC dating advice, email them at firstname.lastname@example.org. Your question may appear in a future column, but no names will be used.