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Bill de Blasio's best and worst dad jokes

Mayor Bill de Blasio had a rocky February. But after a number of PR flaps, the mayor's "dad humor" returned in full force on, with some puns about Facebook knowing "What'sApp" and his guest spot on "The Good Wife."

In honor of the mayor's rediscovered funny bone, we've rounded up some of his funniest/most cringe-worthy jokes. Stay corny, Mr. Mayor. Stay corny.

Feb. 25, 2014

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Opening a massive new office in New York City for engineering talent? @facebook knows #whatsapp"

Ba-dum-bump. He wins points for timeliness, though. Photographed here with some schoolchildren earlier in the day. No reports on joke attempts, but the mayor was clearly having a ball on Twitter.

Feb. 25, 2014

Photo Credit: Twitter / Bill de Blasio

"RT if you think Florrick/Agos should open an office in #NYC"

Dad jokes about the mom show. Is anyone really surprised that de Blasio (or at least his staff) watches a show about Democratic lawyers and politicians?

Feb. 3, 2014

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

"As the mayor of Napoli … I mean New York City …"

Scandal prep 101: Go on “The Daily Show.” In the midst of the dark days of Pizzagate, the mayor paid a visit to Jon Stewart When Stewart took out a pizza to teach de Blasio how to eat it, the mayor was ready for him. Saying “as the mayor of Napoli … I mean New York City, I’m always prepared,” de Blasio whipped out his own fork and knife.

Feb. 3, 2014

Actually, the whole “Daily Show” interview Although the
Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Actually, the whole “Daily Show” interview

Although the discussion took a more serious turn toward the end as Stewart and de Blasio discussed his universal pre-K and tax policy, but de Blasio came out joking about all the recent snow days. Referencing an earlier “report” of the unplowed Upper East Side, de Blasio joked he had “sent the locusts” up there. “I remember Bloomberg, 12 years, it never snowed once,” Stewart said. “I think he paid the right guy … he had the money,” de Blasio joked. Calling being mayor “endlessly fascinating,” de Blasio then quipped “but I’d like the snow to end. I’ve done the snow.”

Feb. 3, 2014

Photo Credit: Patrick E. McCarthy

"Live by the groundhog. Die by the groundhog. There it is, the truth. Thank you, Chuck. Thank you for your honesty, Chuck. He tells it like it is."

At least Staten Island Chuck didn’t bite this mayor. De Blasio tried to get things off to the right foot with the city’s groundhog, saying "Chuck and my predecessor didn’t always get along, let's be honest about that. But I'm hoping we can start a new relationship here … [Public Advocate Letitia James] and I are from Brooklyn, and in Brooklyn we bite back." But things got rocky when de Blasio dropped the rodent after that. Nice move. After the depressing call of six more weeks of winter (thanks, Chuck), de Blasio tried to charm Chuck by saying "Live by the groundhog. Die by the groundhog. There it is, the truth. Thank you, Chuck. Thank you for your honesty, Chuck. He tells it like it is."

Feb. 4, 2014

Photo Credit: Staten Island Advance/Anthony DePrimo

"Obviously, I know now how Peyton Manning feels."

When asked the tough questions by reporters ("did you really drop the groundhog yesterday?"), de Blasio called Chuck a "feisty groundhog." "I had him for a while and then he squirmed out. And we got him back. But obviously I know how Peyton Manning feels at this point," said the Patriots fan mayor. Ouch. Also, you have three Groundhog Days, de Blasio, you might want to be nicer to that groundhog.

Feb. 1, 2014

Photo Credit: YouTube / Politicker

"You’ve got nothing!"

De Blasio showed the world that his actual son relates to his dad humor. After de Blasio beat his 16-year-old son Dante in the Times Square Toboggan Run , the mayor laughed in his son’s face. “Score one for the older generation! Victory for the parents!” You got nothing! You got height and youth and hair, but you got nothing else!” de Blasio crowed, according to the video on Politicker. Wow.

Jan. 6, 2014

Photo Credit: Charles Eckert

"All right, now, I did not make pirate jokes, so I will try not to make height jokes either, though I’m tempted."

Sometimes you know there is an opportunity for an awesome corny joke, but it’s just too much. Bill Chong, who the mayor appointed on Jan. 6 to head the commission on youth and community development, gave de Blasio a run for his money just by showing up with an eye patch. "I am resisting making pirate jokes," de Blasio said. "But if I were to make a pirate joke … I'm thinking of something with 'plunder,' but I’ll be back with that.” Things got even worse when he brought out another appointee, Mindy Tarlow, who looked like she was as tall as his 6'5" mayor’s chest. "All right now, I didn't make pirate jokes, so I will try not to make height jokes either, though I'm tempted." He couldn’t resist, though, when he had to give her a stool to stand on. "Feel the power," he said.

Jan. 3, 2014

Photo Credit: John Roca

"Sometime in the centuries from now, a new civilization will look back and will still find our parking meters in effect."

Remember the first storm of his term, on January 2? We were all so much younger then. Although the general response was that de Blasio handled his first storm well, he did field a question about why parking meters were still in effect. It’s kind of like when you ask your dad why you have to do homework. This picture is from Feb. 3, when the mood had gotten considerably darker but the mayoral windbreaker fashion remained the same.

Jan. 3, 2014

Photo Credit: Mayor's office

"I have an undershirt also."

Actually the mayor was pretty full of quips during that first storm, before this winter had killed everyone’s souls. At the same press conference, a reporter asked him how many layers he had on. Never tempt the dad humor. De Blasio started to take off his windbreaker and quipped "do you want me to go further? I have an undershirt also."

April 26, 2013

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Andrew Burton

"An Arnold Schwarzenegger reference always works. I just want to say it on the record."

Long before he was mayor—in fact, long before he was even the frontrunner for the nomination—de Blasio showed his true colors at a mayoral debate. "If Arnold Schwarzenegger were here, he would say this: ‘Northern California, your domination of the tech industry is being terminated," he said in a faux Ah-nold accent. Although the audience laughed, the other candidates were not impressed. "That was a bad imitation, Bill," said former Comptroller Bill Thompson. Christine Quinn, meanwhile, laughed, saying "I’m terminating all accents that are not actually yours, moving forward at all debates." Probably the result of having two teenage children, de Blasio was undeterred. "An Arnold Schwarzenegger reference always works. I just want to say it on the record. People like accents!" Duly noted, Bill.

Jan. 2, 2014

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Spencer Platt

"What Dante will be doing tomorrow if he does not have to go to school."

The de Blasios tweeted Valentine’s Day messages at each other, but perhaps they revealed the secret behind their 20-plus year marriage on his second day in office: shared dad humor. As rumors flew on the Internet that Dante was trying to convince his dad to cancel school, Chirlane McCray tweeted a picture of shovel and salt and wrote “What Dante will be doing if he does not go to school tomorrow.” At this point, what chance do these kids have to not make dad jokes?


Bonus: Bill de Blasio dancing at their wedding!
Photo Credit: The New York Times / Courtesy of de Blasio Family

Bonus: Bill de Blasio dancing at their wedding!

There is a reason wedding videos should be kept under lock and key. The de Blasios apparently never learned that, having given their video to The New York Times. The wedding video is charming, after all, but be careful who sees you dance, Bill. In fairness, he jokes he needs a "dance support group" before he goes on the floors. Oh and he announces after his new wife feeds him cake, "This wedding was sponsored by the United States Cannoli Association." Bill de Blasio: telling dad jokes since 1993.


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