BY LINCOLN ANDERSON | Updated Wed., Dec. 3, 2014 | It sounds a bit like the Yule Log without a flickering fire, eggnog without any eggs, or the Grinch without a diabolical plan to steal Christmas from the residents of Whoville.
Yes, state Senator Brad Hoylman is proposing what some might call a truly radical idea: an alcohol-free SantaCon.
Which would also mean a SantaCon without puking, urinating, stumbling and shouting on the sidewalks.
Hoylman spoke on the phone briefly Tuesday evening with a purported representative of the annual winter booze fest to see what he could find out about this year’s New York City event. Hoylman then relayed his findings to The Villager.
The event’s date is set for Sat., Dec. 13.
“They do not have the route planned,” Hoylman said. “They will not tell us where they are planning.
“They said they are in touch with the Parks Department, and they plan to be in touch with local police precincts and community boards before their event. They told us they will tell the route before it occurs.”
Last year, due to pressure by Hoylman and other politicians, SantaCon conceded to give them the route, though not until right before the event occurred.
“I don’t know if they want to exploit the element of surprise or they’re just disorganized or what,” Hoylman said.
During the bar crawl, the cell phone-toting Santas follow Twitter to get updates about where to go.
According to a Parks Department source, SantaCon organizers reached out to the agency to inquire about “potential meet-up locations.”
“No arrangements have been made at this point for a site that could potentially accommodate their numbers,” the source said.
Hoylman said he hopes to speak to the representative again, who only gave his name as Stefan, and who was the same rep Hoylman similarly dealt with last year. Local politicians, in a joint letter last year, called for SantaCon to behave — or else — with Hoylman acting as the pols’ point person.
At one point during Tuesday’s phone call, Hoylman hit Stefan with an idea that might have struck him like an ice fastball hurled by Snow Miser.
“I’ve also encouraged them to organize an alcohol-free SantaCon because I think that’s where most of the problems have originated,” the state senator said.
“If they organize it as an alcohol-free event, it potentially becomes a family attraction,” he added. “I think partying and drinking on the streets, they are menacing to family members and seniors. Binge drinking is the problem — it only takes a few to give an event a bad name.”
Hoylman said the self-appointed SantaCon rep didn’t seem averse to the proposal, feeling it’s more in line with the event’s origins, or so the man claimed. But he told Hoylman he wanted to confer with others before making any commitments on the idea.
“He said they want to be a New York City holiday event,” Hoylman reported. “He said he wants to bring Santa Con back to where it was more of a family event and it wasn’t raucous bad Santas. He said he wants to take it back to the group [to discuss].”
Last week, Susan Stetzer, district manager of Community Board 3, announced at the monthly full-board meeting that SantaCon won’t be partying in the East Village and Lower East Side this year.
Hoylman said that’s also his understanding about C.B. 3, and that he knows it was also Stefan that Stetzer spoke with.
Hoylman specifically asked the SantaCon spokesperson about all the Manhattan community board districts in his state senate district — including Community Boards 2, 4, 5 and 7, which collectively stretch from the Village to the Upper West Side — but didn’t get any concrete answers.
“He said they will be in Manhattan,” the elected official confirmed. Exactly where, though, is still a mystery.
Bushwick community leaders and bars also do not want SantaCon, and Gothamist recently reported that the event has crossed the Brooklyn hood off its list.
“Nobody wants them!” Hoylman said.
Locally speaking, last year’s SantaCon went better than in previous years, Hoylman acknowledged, though he attributed that, at least partly, to snowy conditions.
However, prior to last year’s bar crawl of inebriated St. Nicks, Hoylman had gotten Stefan to agree to three main conditions: namely, that the route would be shared with local police and community boards in advance; there would be “people watchers” to help control the crowds; and fliers would be posted urging the revelers to be “good neighbors.”
Despite these steps, Hoylman said, “Really, I think the snowstorm dampened their numbers.”
Also, he was a bit skeptical about the whole process of dealing with SantaCon, which is more hazy flash mob than organized event.
“There’s nobody in charge,” Hoylman said with some frustration. “Here I am speaking to this individual I never met, and he won’t give me his last name. It’s impossible to determine if he has any authority.”
At any rate, he said, “They promised to be back in touch once they have their permits.”
An e-mail query sent to the contact listed, “blitzen,” at the nycsantacon.com Web site, asking whether the Santas would be sober this year, received a lengthy statement in response, which didn’t mention anything about teetotaling.
The statement read, in part, “Whether it’s good news or bad, SantaCon’s colorful characters, fantastic photo opportunities, ballooning popularity, and inherently controversial nature make for great press.
“So who is ‘Santa’? WE are Santa: a group of about 30 volunteers. We are accountants and artists, bright-eyed students and grizzly workforce vets, small business owners, freelancers and corporate vice presidents. We’re blue-collar and white-collar…but on SantaCon we’re all fur-collar.
“We all share a passion for absurdity and a love for N.Y.C. Nothing makes us happier than seeing the creativity of SantaCon play out against the backdrop of the city where we live, work and play.
“SantaCon isn’t just a charity event — it’s a 100% volunteer-run charity event where every cent of the proceeds goes to N.Y.C charities. Last year, we helped the Food Bank for New York provide meals to hungry New Yorkers. For FIGMENT, a small nonprofit that runs free, hands-on arts events for children, SantaCon was literally a lifeline, providing almost 40% of the operating budget in 2013.
“We still see the Santa Pros as greater than the Santa Cons. We hope that this year, you will too.”
The statement ended with, “Love from the North Pole, Santa”
The event’s Web site is full of instructions on how the Santas should behave, such as: “Santa’s nice to kids: He makes them laugh, not cry” and “Santa respects the city: Santa doesn’t piss on the streets, start fights, block streets, climb on cars or deface property.” The page also warns that the costumed carousers shouldn’t have open alcohol containers on the streets, urinate in public, jaywalk or litter — or generally get too intoxicated.
In short, putting it in a way even drunken Santas can understand, the site warns participants not to violate the four “F” ’s: “Don’t f— with kids, cops, bar staff or N.Y.C.”
As for the route and what bars they’ll visit — assuming they don’t all get on the sleigh, or rather, wagon this year — the site notes, “Santa could tell you, but then Santa would have to kill you. Part of the fun of SantaCon is never quite knowing where the jolly horde will go next!”
