By Ed Koch
“Extract” (-)
My recollection of Labor Day weekends in the past is that they brought us several blockbuster films. This holiday weekend, there were none. I chose this movie because it seemed the least dreary of the lot, and I thought it might have possibilities. What a mistake. “Extract” is awful. Intended as a light, soft-porno-motivated film, it turned out to be crude and with little humor.
Joel (Jason Bateman), who owns a bottling plant, is denied his marital expectations by his wife, Suzie (Kristen Wiig). She pulls the drawstring on her sweatpants every evening at 8:00 p.m. — and if Joel is a minute late arriving home, there is no party. Joel discusses his dilemma with a bartender friend, Dean (Ben Affleck, totally unrecognizable in his scruffy beard), and tells him that he has relied on masturbation for months. Believe me, this is ugly stuff and a turnoff.
A beautiful grifter, Cindy (Mila Kunis), who is willing to con or steal from anyone, appears on the scene. An accident occurs at the factory involving Step (Clifton Collins Jr.) who loses one testicle with the other barely hanging on. At Cindy’s urging, Step threatens a million dollar lawsuit. This, of course, would not be possible in most if not all states, because of Workmen’s Compensation laws that limit recoveries so as to prevent such injuries from overwhelming a business. But facts are not important in this intended but failed erotic comedy.
Aside from his business problems, Joel embarks on a plot suggested by Dean to hire a gigolo, Brad (Dustin Milligan), to seduce Suzie. Brad, one of the dumbest gigolos you will ever meet, is very successful in his advances — having 15, count them, days of coital triumph.
This is one terrible movie that succeeded in making sex unappetizing. I won’t tell you how it ends. If you decide to see it, you deserve to suffer.
1hour, 30 minutes; Rated R; Comedy. Playing at, among other places, Angelika Film Center (18 West Houston St.). For screening times, call 800-326-32646; also at City Cinemas 123 (1001 Third Avenue). For screening times, call 800-326-32646, x2705.
