Aries Your firm admonishment to a helmet-less Citi Bike rider may lead to romance if administered with wit, concern and an all-you-can-eat dinner invite.
Taurus You will become hot and bothered by the fact that you’ve yet to find your summertime pop anthem. Patience, passionate Taurus. It will happen!
Gemini Smalltalk under sidewalk shedding will dissipate faster than that sudden downpour. Come with prefab topics and claim your status as an urbane storm prepper!
Cancer Why do you keep avoiding that coveted Mister Softee treat? One won’t kill you — but the bitter taste of self-denial just might. Treat yourself!
Leo A potential suitor just keeps on walking after overhearing your bad review of an adorable moppet’s lemonade stand. What is wrong with you lately?
Virgo Skepticism, when presented with a “sure thing” investment, will save you from financial doom. Vigilant Virgos profit by putting themselves in Suze Orman’s shoes.
Libra Wise counsel is found by taking a talk show sound bite out of context and applying it to a troublesome personal matter you stubbornly refuse to share with others.
Scorpio A trip to the beach you’ve been planning for weeks is trumped by a shopping spree, courtesy of a coupon-cutting casual acquaintance. Savings are the new sand!
Sagittarius A road trip beckons, and Sagittarians heed the call — but resist those gas station vending machine snacks. Unlike your sense of adventure, many of them are past expiration!
Capricorn Uptight, structured Capricorns should take a page from the playbook of that nice old lady who mistakenly booked herself on a gay harbor cruise. She sat back, got lit and enjoyed the show!
Aquarius Beware of pickpockets who ply their trade as you’re entranced by fireworks. Employ similar caution this week, in the face of tempting distractions.
Pisces Your once-daring Weekend Warrior routine has jumped the shark — time to broaden your horizons with new (and risky!) challenges.
