AGGRAVATED HARASSMENT: Improper improv inquisitor | The performers at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (307 W. 26th St., btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.) might be in the business of crafting comedy, but the phone call they received on Thurs., Mar. 17 was no laughing matter. At around 6:20 p.m., an unknown individual phoned the theater’s main number, asking about their policies — but things soon took a hard shift when the voice asked, “Do you want to die tonight?,” and then threatened that their “goons” would be coming to see them. Embodying the upstanding, law-abiding descriptors of his workplace, the 35-year-old employee who took the call went to the 10th Precinct later that evening to report the troubling telephone conversation.
ASSAULT: Man took a bite into crime | It’s common knowledge that vampires can’t be out and about town at 2:30 in the afternoon — which means one dental delinquent had no excuse for sinking his teeth into an innocent onlooker on Fri., Mar. 18. After a 48-year-old witnessed an argument on Eighth Ave. (btw. W. 25th & W. 26th Sts.), an agitated stranger struck him on the left arm, and then bit him, causing a laceration. Following the incident, the victim was transported to Bellevue Hospital. The toothy troublemaker, a 37-year-old Queens man, was arrested.
PETIT LARCENY: Criminal customer pulls bike peddler’s chain | Bicycle theft is usually not a crime associated with playing the long game — but one devious doorman sought to dispel that stereotype with his slow-moving cycle con. The theft, which was only recently reported to the 10th Precinct (Sat., Mar. 19) by the 49-year-old victim, was put in motion around the end of Oct. 2015. That’s when the man, who was trying to sell his bicycle to the doorman of his building, decided to lend the prospective purchaser the bike for a time — to ensure he still wanted to buy it, for their agreed price of $450. The doorman, however, kept the bike in his possession without paying. Later, when he was fired from the building, he was seen taking the bike with him from the premises, according to the building manager. Video of the incident is available upon request.
DWI: Copper catches trashed chopper | After being arrested on Sun., Mar. 20, one 50-year-old Brooklyn man must have wished that he had just hunkered down for the evening at a biker bar. It was on that afternoon, around 3:30 p.m., he found himself face to face with a police officer who was responding to an accident the uneasy rider had gotten into at the southwest corner of 12th Ave. & W. 26th St. “I couldn’t stop,” said the leather and bandanna-clad driver of the 2015 Harley-Davidson motorcycle. But his pleas fell on deaf (or at least disinterested) ears, as the officer was more interested in getting to the bottom of the boozy biker’s distinct smell of alcohol and precarious posture than listening to a litany of excuses. Upon being administered a portable breath test, the soused cyclist blew a .144 BAC, and later blew a .189 on an Intoxicated Driver Testing Unit administered to him at the Seventh Precinct. The reckless hog aficionado was arrested.
—SEAN EGAN
THE 10th PRECINCT: Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Deputy Inspector Michele Irizarry. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-924-3377. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7 p.m., at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced. The next meeting is Mar. 30.
THE 13th PRECINCT: Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: David Ehrenberg. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30 p.m., at the 13th Precinct. The next meeting is Apr. 19.
CASH FOR GUNS | $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.
