BY LENORE SKENAZY | Donald Trump’s 3 a.m. “Tweets that woke the world” last week weren’t the first time a sleep-deprived celebrity shot his mouth off when he should have been counting sheep. Here’s a rundown of other tweeters in history who said too much:
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 1:20 a.m.
Crooked Cleopatra is an eating machine. Check out before and after hieroglyphics. #HungryHungryHippo
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme ·2:40 a.m.
Crooked Cleo says she’ll help the slaves. Who built your palace, lady?
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 3:12 a.m.
Cracked Cleopatra is a disaster. Her needle is 1,000 times too big to use. #BADJUDGEMENT!
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 3:37 a.m.
OpatraCare “choice” a total LIE. You don’t get to pick your healer. If you get bitten by an asp, you die. #Crazy!
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 4:18 a.m.
Crooked Cleo’s husband slept with his grape-peeling girl. He is the WORST abuser of women in ancient history!
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 4:55 a.m.
Crooked Cleopatra is 100% controlled by Rome. #BADLEADERSHIP
Tutankhamun
@PyramidScheme · 5:12 a.m.
An extremely credible source has signaled to my office that Crooked Cleo was born in Mesopotamia.
EXPRESS YOURSELVES
Freud Envy
@i_love_mom · 12:20 a.m.
Goofy Jung is the WORST psychoanalyst in Vienna. His patients are all getting crazier.
Freud Envy
@i_love_mom · 1:42 a.m.
Jung has got to be one of the dumbest interpreters of subconscious symbolism ever. Analyze this! : (
Freud Envy
@i_love_mom · 3:25 a.m.
Still haven’t seen that diploma from the University of Basel! #FRAUD
MC Squared
@PatentClerk · 12:48 a.m.
Madame Curie is a loose cannon in the lab. No one has WORSE JUDGMENT — except her poor husband.
MC Squared
@PatentClerk ·1:50 a.m.
Maybe Curie should spent a little less time with isotopes and a little more at the hairdresser.
MC Squared
@PatentClerk · 2:18 a.m.
Be careful, Kooky Curie! Your fans are more excited about relativity than radioactivity! #PlayingDice
MC Squared
@PatentClerk · 2:37 a.m.
Just another dud lady scientist. #SAD
MC Squared
@PatentClerk ·3:01 a.m.
Kooky Curie is very weak on quantum theory, which is what the people want. Very weak. Her career is dead.
MC Squared
@PatentClerk ·· 4:07 a.m.
Kooky Curie hasn’t created a single bomb in her whole life. She does not have the RIGHT TEMPERAMENT to revolutionize science.
MC Squared
@PatentClerk ·4:52 a.m.
Curie a failed scientist. That glow is her burning out.
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 12:20 a.m.
Michelangelo is a joke. He’s in the pocket of the Medicis.
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 1:03 a.m.
He will never MAKE FIRENZE GREAT AGAIN!
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 1:19 a.m.
Mediocre Mikey has to make his sculptures big and naked to get attention. #PATHETIC
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan ·1:57 a.m.
I’ve seen paint-by-numbers better than Mikey’s latest Moses. He should go home and relax.
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 2:14 a.m.
If you’ve got a block of marble, keep it away from Mediocre Mikey or he’ll chisel it into a lawn ornament. #LAWNGNOMEART
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 2:51 a.m.
Interesting how my commissions go up whenever Mikey unveils another painting.
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 3:29 a.m.
LIES! I never tried to get the Sistine job! #SimplicityBestSophistication
Veni Vidi da Vinci
@RenaissanceMan · 4:33 a.m.
Pretty sure Mikey was never baptized! #OriginalSin
Lenore Skenazy is the author and founder of the book and blog “Free-Range Kids,” and a contributor at Reason.com.
