Desperate to resurrect his summit with Kim Jung Un, President Donald Trump has made Kim a secret offer: a paid visit to Mar-a-Lago, including three golf lessons from Tiger Woods.
A North Korean high-government official said Kim learned to play golf at the Swiss boarding school he attended as a teen, but that Kim has been frustrated by being unable to match his father’s score at North Korea’s sole golf course. The father, Kim Jong Il, reportedly made 11 holes-in-one the first time he played there in 1994.
As a further inducement, Trump offered to build a hotel in Pyongyang that would be the tallest building in Asia. Trump suggested the name “the Trump–Kim Tower,” which Kim translated as “the Kim Jung Un-Trump Tower.” According to the North Korean official, Trump convinced Kim that if Trump’s name appeared first, Kim could raise room rates and secure more foreign currency.
The North Korean official then informed Trump’s lawyer-coach, Rudy Giuliani, that Kim would travel solo to any summit and that “he expressed an interest in having President Trump introduce him to ‘a very special friend.’ ”
“America’s mayor,” as Giuliani was known in his salad days, understood what that meant: trouble. This was because Giuliani is a mirror image of Trump. Like Trump, he is charismatic. Like Trump, he loves the spotlight. Like Trump, he has had three wives and is searching for more.
“What special friend?” grumbled Trump. “Haven’t I arranged three golf lessons with Tiger Woods? I can even ask Dennis Rodman to join us. However, I draw the line at Colin Kaepernick.”
Trump added, “I only pray that Kim doesn’t mean Bolton,” referring to his national security adviser, John Bolton. Trump was furious at Bolton for having brought up Libya as a model for North Korea without mentioning Hillary Clinton and Benghazi.
Giuliani feared Kim’s request would enrage Trump and blow up the summit. Knowing Trump, Giuliani feared Trump would blame him. Still, he plowed on.
“Mr. President, Kim wants you to introduce him to Stormy Daniels.”
Noting that the president hadn’t immediately moved to activate his Twitter account, Giuliani decided to go for broke. He whispered, “Mr. President, could you also introduce her to me?”