Mystico’s Holiday Predictions, 2013

Senior Specific Horoscopes

Untitled-6Aries  An expensive impulse purchase, ill-suited to your needs, is the perfect gift for a casual acquaintance whose gesture of kindness catches you off-guard.

Taurus  You will grow impatient while watching a poorly paced “Christmas Carol” adaptation. Flip channels and risk missing a scene sure to prove helpful during next Wednesday’s crisis of faith.

Gemini  Like a snubbed reindeer whose schnoz shows the way, the bright light of your good example will lead eight nervous wrecks through a long winter of discontent.

Cancer  Sleigh bells ring, and you’re listening. So why can’t you hear the pleas of a close companion, chiming in on an unpleasant (but urgent) matter?

Leo  Refuse to sample an unconventional eggnog recipe and run the risk of being perceived as unadventurous by a potential love interest.

Virgo  Come tax time, resist the temptation write off Christmas presents as business expenses. Santa, and Uncle Sam, are watching!

Libra  Your challenge this week is to cultivate the childlike wonder to understand why boxes often make better playthings than the gifts they contain.

Scorpio  Pans filled with water and placed on radiators are like rare words of kindness from an unrepentant Grinch — helpful, but not enough to prevent chafing.

Sagittarius  Beware this week of risky positions: middle of the road, under the mistletoe and beyond the call.

Capricorn  Mystico senses a loved one is clueless as to your preferred gift. ’Tis the season to start dropping hints!

Aquarius  You will spend much of 2014 bemoaning the timidity of incoming electeds, in proportion to the high standards of your great expectations.

Pisces  A howling wind heralds Arctic chills, blowing flakes your way — of the snow, frosted and human varieties.