BY HEATHER DUBIN | Life lessons can take some time to sink in. When they do, it is often worth the wait. Taren Sterry took about a decade to turn her hospice worker experience at a six-month internship in South Dakota into a one-woman show.
Sterry, 37, performs “180 Days” at Stage Left Studios (214 West 30th Street) twice a year, and at hospice programs or conferences nationwide.
In a recent phone conversation with Chelsea Now, Sterry discussed her start in hospice work, which provides spiritual and emotional support to the terminally ill, and where it has taken her.
It all began in a class on death and dying at the University of California at Santa Cruz, where Sterry was inspired by the professor (who also taught sociology, gender and women’s movement classes). “She became my heroine,” Sterry said, “And I had my ah-hah moment — this is what I’m supposed to do with my life.”
As part of her program in community studies, Sterry was required to conduct an ethnographic field study. “Some went to Paris or Africa, and I went to South Dakota,” she said, with a laugh.
Originally from California, Sterry has family in South Dakota, and she ended up living with them in Kranzburg, population 200, during her internship. She worked at the local hospice program, and had patients in neighboring small towns within a 60-mile radius.
A move to New York was next for a master’s in gerontology and thanatology [grief counseling] from the College of New Rochelle, followed by her current job — Manager of Volunteer Training for Visiting Nurse Service of New York Hospice Care (VNSNY), where she has worked for 13 years. The not-for-profit home- and community-based health care agency serves more than 65,000 patients daily.
Part of “180 Days” takes place in South Dakota, and features five of Sterry’s former patients, who helped change her perspective on life, and what she wanted to do with hers. “It made me see that life is short, life is precious — all those cliché things we say. But when you go and see it face to face, it’s very different than reading about it in a self-help book,” she said.
Spending time with people who are facing imminent death might not seem uplifting. However, Sterry explained that hospice workers feel differently, and are rewarded by helping to alleviate people’s suffering.
Taren Sterry (at right) greets hospice nurses and audience members, following a Dec. 2013 performance of “180 Days.”
“You accept people where they are,” she says of her work. “When I was a beautiful young women going out on an internship to help dying people, I had very lofty ideas of how I was going to help people. My idealism as a 23-year-old college student, ready, set, to change the world. I really learned that you don’t change the world so much as you change yourself when you really look at people and see who they are.”
Sterry reflected on the characters in her show, which she defines as a comedy-drama. A former patient of hers named Amy, who was in her 70s, had emphysema, lung cancer and a tank of oxygen close by, and yet, she still smoked. “My job was to go over, and watch her soap operas with her all day, and she would lecture me on nonsmoking, as she smoked all day,” Sterry recalls.
Instead of enlightening Amy about the hazards of smoking, Sterry determined that Amy was content with her life choices, and felt justified advising Sterry how to live hers. Slowly but surely, Sterry concluded that she was not capable of changing another person. “That realization did not come overnight. I fought it for a long time. It didn’t come for many years until after I did the internship,” she said.
Sterry turned to management at VNSNY over hospice work after she finished her master’s degree. She decided she was better at supporting people who are directly involved in hospice care. “I’m a teacher, I’m a facilitator and I’m a counselor,” she said, “To really honor those strengths, I focus on facilitating the volunteer training, which helps educate and prepare volunteers to go out to be with people in their homes.”
On the way home from work to her Chelsea apartment in 2003, (she currently lives in Astoria), Sterry spotted a sign for a class at the Peoples Improv Theater (currently located at 123 East 24th Street near Lexington Avenue). She thought to herself, “I can do that, I’m funny, people always say I’m funny,” she said, “I took a class, and it changed everything.”
While working full-time at VNSNY, Sterry took classes weeknights and during the weekends, including a solo writing class where she spun her thesis from her internship into the show. “Here I am doing death and dying during the day, and comedy at night,” she joked.
But the duality was a success, and a year later, Sterry completed “180 Days,” which she has been performing since 2008. “It’s always had a really beautiful and welcoming reception,” she said.
Currently, in addition to working part-time at VNSNY, Sterry is writing a memoir based on “180 Days,” and teaches improv, public speaking and team building. “I see it as the next phase. I have been helping volunteers who help patients shine their lights out of the world, and now, I really want to help people shine their light brighter while in the world,” she said.
To better achieve this, Sterry offered some insight that she wants to pass along to others: eliminate regret, live the life you want and do not waste your time. She noted that patients who are not having a good end of life experience are filled with regrets and sorrows about past relationships and choices.
“Every person out there is doing the best that they can at this moment. It looks very different for every single person,” Sterry said. While she acknowledged people could motivate others to change, ultimately, it must come from within.
— For more information on the Visiting Nurse Service of New York Hospice Care, visit vnsny.org or call 1-800-675-0391.
