BY LENORE SKENAZY
Donald Trump’s 3 am “Tweets that woke the world” wasn’t the first time a sleep-deprived celebrity shot his month of when he should have been counting sheep. Here’s a rundown of other tweeters in history who said too much:
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 1:20 am
Crooked Cleopatra is an eating machine. Check out before and after hieroglyphics. #HungryHungryHippo
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 3:40 am
Crooked Cleo says she’ll help the slaves. Who build your palace, lady?
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 12:15 am
Cracked Cleopatra is a disaster. Her needle is 1,000 times too big to use. #BADJUDGEMENT!
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 4:37 am
OpatraCare “choice” a total LIE. You don’t get to pick your healer. If you get bitten by an asp, you die. #Crazy!
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 5:18 am
Crooked Cleo’s husband slept with his grape-peeling girl. He is the WORST abuser of women in ancient history!
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 2:55 am
Bird, bird, eye, throne, owl!
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 1:19 am
Crooked Cleopatra is 100% controlled by Rome. #BADLEADERSHIP
Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 12:56 am
An extremely credible source has signaled to my office that Crooked Cleo was born in Mesopotamia.
• • •
Freud Envy @i_love_mom · 12:20 am
Goofy Jung is the WORST psychoanalyst in Vienna. His patients are all getting crazier.
Freud Envy @i_love_mom ·3:42 am
Jung has got to be one of the dumbest interpreters of subconscious symbolism ever. Analyze this! : (
Freud Envy @i_love_mom · 1:25 am
Still haven’t seen that diploma from the University of Basel! #FRAUD
• • •
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 3:20 am
Madame Curie is a loose cannon in the lab. No one has WORSE JUDGMENT — except her poor husband.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 4:50 am
Maybe Curie should spent a little less time with isotopes and a little more at the hairdresser.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 3:18 am
Be careful, Kooky Curie! Your fans are more excited about relativity than radioactivity! #PlayingDice
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 5:18 am
Just another dud lady scientist. #SAD
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am
Kooky Curie is very weak on quantum theory, which is what the people want. Her career is dead.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am
Kooky Curie hasn’t created a single bomb in her whole life. Unless you count her hairstyle.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am
She does not have the RIGHT TEMPERAMENT to revolutionize science.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am
Curie a failed scientist. That glow her burning out.
MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am
Have it on good authority Curie was adopted!
• • •
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
Michaelangelo is a joke. He’s in the pocket of the Medicis.
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
He will never MAKE FIRENZE GREAT AGAIN!
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
Mediocre Mikey has to make his sculptures big and naked to get attention. #PATHETIC
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
I’ve seen paint-by-numbers better than Mikey’s latest Moses. He should go home and relax.
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
If you’ve got a block of marble, keep it away from Mediocre Mikey or he’ll chisel it into a lawn ornament. #LAWNGNOMEART
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
Interesting how my commissions go up whenever Mikey unveils another painting.
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
LIES! I never tried to get the Sistine job! #SimplicityBestSophistication
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
I wouldn’t hire MM to paint my garage.
Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am
Pretty sure Mikey was never baptized! #OriginalSin
Lenore Skenazy is a keynote speaker, author of the book and blog Free-Range Kids, and a contributor at Reason.com.
