Veronica Vera and Stuart Cottingham were married in June at Judson Memorial Church in the Village. Photo by Bob Krasner
BY BOB KRASNER | When it comes to love, you can forget about conventional wisdom, playing by the rules or anything else that might be considered reasonable. Despite financial woes, medical emergencies, age differences and the fact that he likes to dress as a woman, Stu Cottingham and Veronica Vera are happily married newlyweds.
The aforementioned tendency toward cross-dressing is not the deal-breaker that some women might think, since Veronica is “the dean of students” at Miss Vera’s Finishing School For Boys Who Want To Be Girls. Although she’s a woman who teaches men how to dress like women and he’s a man who likes to take on a female persona (“Misty Madison”), he luckily had the right attitude toward his male parts (he’s keeping them) or Miss Vera would have let him go long ago.
“It was one of the first things she asked me when we started seeing each other,” said Stu. “She wanted to be sure that I was staying a man.”
Their colorful pasts have recently blended into an uncertain future. She’s written for Penthouse, performed in adult films and modeled for Robert Mapplethorpe and Joel-Peter Witkin. Her résumé includes testifying before Congress, with visual aides, such as photos of herself in bondage, in support of erotica.
He was a teenage gang member, following a stint with the Metropolitan Opera’s Children’s Chorus. He designed posters for the fondly remembered Wetlands club and even grew pot for a while. She still meets with the support group (Club 90 ) that she founded with colleagues Annie Sprinkle, Gloria Leonard, Veronica Hart and Candida Royalle to examine the effects that acting in adult films had on their lives.
Until recently, Stu was the manager at an animal hospital in Chelsea. After 16 years, he was let go as the result of a managerial decision that is still in dispute, leaving him in a monetary crisis.
But Veronica helped him to realize that the lack of a 9-to-5 job left him free to concentrate on his art, an interest he inherited from his father, Robert Cottingham (a commercial artist, not the photo realist), a painter who died young, leaving behind the beautiful works that grace his son’s walls.
The setback did not stop Stu from proposing (“the smartest decision I ever made,” he said) and despite the financial issues and the age difference (she’s got 18 years on him) she accepted, only to find out shortly after that he had a brain tumor.
It’s important to note the chronology, as Stu proposed before he knew of his illness. It’s important to him that she said yes before they knew he had brain cancer, as he doesn’t have to wonder if she married him out of pity or compassion.
Sadly, two of Miss Vera’s previous relationships ended with the culmination of her partners’ terminal illnesses. The first was her gay then best friend and collaborator, Robert, whom she proposed to upon learning that he had AIDS and was being treated for Kaposi’s sarcoma. The second, Phil, was a “great love” who succumbed to colon cancer after just five years together. But “without a doubt,” Miss Vera notes, “Stu is the most important man in my life.”
Stu and Veronica’s ceremony was held at Judson Memorial Church on Washington Square South. It was, by all accounts, a magical and life-affirming experience. (It’s all covered in a mock New York Times “Vows” article that they had written for their wedding program.)
At the wedding, Stu wore the tuxedo of his good friend David Nolan — the soundman and D.J. at Wetlands, who lived in an East Village homesteader building — who died two years ago. The tux fit perfectly, Stu said.
Their life now finds them immersed in art: He creates it and Veronica lives out the advice that Fluxus artist William de Ridder gave her years ago: “To think of everything that you do as art.”
The world that they have created for themselves is referred to as “The Castle Cottingham,” a nod to Stu’s interest in things medieval. The “South Tower” is located in Veronica’s 14th St. apartment, also the home of her 18-year-old cat Charlie. The “North Tower” is a walk-up on W. 49th St., where Stu’s pit bull Madison resides with his cat, Miss Piggy. Hoping to expand the kingdom, they are “hoping for a country estate,” as well.
It’s all about the future, which is defiantly uncertain. Stu wears a yarmulke to cover the scars of the operation that he went through just before the wedding, and struggles to remember simple words, a side effect that he believes will not be permanent. Veronica plays a sort of game with him, as he gives her clues as to what those words might be and she patiently and sweetly fills in the blanks.
Stu mentions that he’d like to have another 11 years, so that he’ll live at least as long as his dad. They both know that the time may be counted in months, though, due to the nature of the cancer.
Veronica isn’t about to give up hope. She sums up her feelings simply, stating, “We’ve been given a great love, accompanied by a great challenge. I’ve always been an optimist. I see no reason to stop now.”
For more information about Veronica and Stu, visit: https://missvera.com/ and https://stuartcottingham.com/.
