Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes,


mysticoWeek of July 17, 2013

Aries  A wool garment worn on a humid day serves as a sweaty reminder that your laundry should have been done days ago. Stop procrastinating, pokey Aires!

Taurus  A midnight stroll taken to escape your stuffy apartment leads you into a bar where you will become obsessed with guessing the drink special’s secret ingredient. A stubborn bartender resists your bribery attempts.

Gemini  Impulsive Geminis should emulate their more structured Zodiac brethren. Making a plan, and sticking to it, is the only way to conquer this week’s daunting challenges.

Cancer  Overconfidence stemming from your enjoyment of that “Sharknado” movie leads to a wasted weekend of viewing horrendous videos devoid of camp value. Cancel your cable and read a good book!

Leo  Resist the urge to cease going through your day with a kind word and a smile for petty tyrants. Your sunny disposition is about to pay spectacular dividends. Reinvest half of it in a Roth IRA!

Virgo  Memories dredged up during dinner with an old friend will give you the confidence to stick the landing on a leap of faith. Others will be inspired by your bold move.

Libra  Your novel use of an infomercial product, which comes to you in a dream, will cure a physical ailment that would normally require expensive outpatient care.

Scorpio  Pins and needles make for a lousy perch this weekend, as you scan social media for reactions to an ill-advised tweet. Maintain a low profile for the next five days.

Sagittarius  The third person you see boarding the next subway car you take will be reading a newspaper whose headline harbors the solution to a most vexing problem.

Capricorn  A family heirloom you’ve taken in for appraisal turns out to be worthless…but a window display across the street contains an object essential to your happiness this weekend.

Aquarius  Stop filling the empty suitcase of a new relationship with baggage from an old one. Nobody wants a traveling companion still bitter from ancient betrayals.

Pisces  Answer the ring of a payphone, meek Pisces, and intercept an ominous message meant for an absent other. The ensuing adventure is worth the risk.